


The Pursuit of Light

by orayofsunshine



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is awkward and angsty, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Rey is a mechanic, Single mom!Rey, Slow Burn, emotionally constipated idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-05 10:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13385730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orayofsunshine/pseuds/orayofsunshine
Summary: In an impulsive and horribly thought out decision, Rey leaves her dead-end life in Jakku, running away from everything she had ever known with only a small bag of earthly possessions and her three year old daughter in tow. She's alone, broke, and way in over her head when she finds D'Qar, a small coastal town that seems too good to be true. She knows running from her demons will catch up to her eventually, they have to, but when she meets hot-headed, brash Ben Solo, she discovers that she isn't the only one trying to flee from a messy past.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been such a passion project for me, and I'm so glad I'm finally posting it! The fic is done, so I'll be posting new chapters every Wednesday and Saturday :) Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!

The highway was empty and full of possibilities as it stretched out in front of her in the gray light of dawn. Rey was running on the large McDonald’s coffee she had bought at 2 am and adrenaline, both of which were quickly dwindling. Leaving had been an impulsive decision, one she didn’t regret after the hellish day she had endured. It was like she was on autopilot, packing up her old clunker of a car with all of her earthly possessions and leaving the dusty town she had been stuck in for her entire life with her middle finger raised high. She couldn’t stand it any longer, being trapped there by an unfair landlord, a horrible excuse for a boss, and all the skeletons in her closet everyone seemed to know about. She didn’t have a plan, only using her meager savings to cough out rent for the remaining two months of her lease, sticking a note on the door of the garage she worked at saying “Fuck you, I quit. -Rey” as a resignation letter and getting the hell out of dodge before she could really think the decision through.    
  
That had been nearly 4 hours ago and though the sun was rising on a new day, she was quickly running out of steam and in desperate need to pee. She needed to stop and take stock of the situation, make a logical plan of what to do next. She had some money saved, but her car used up an obscene amount of gas and if she wasn’t careful her precious savings would be gone on that alone. Coupled with the desire to not live out of her car, she knew she needed to find someplace to settle, and quick. 

 

“Mommy?” 

 

The sweet, sleepy little voice made her heart flutter as she glanced up into the rearview mirror at her daughter. The girl had been fast asleep when they left, barely rousing as Rey strapped her into the beat up, second-hand car seat and left their old lives behind. It was all for her daughter, so she could have a better life, and that was what she told herself over and over again as every mile marker flew by. The mantra was simple, but it kept her strong when the uncertainty became too smothering. 

 

“Yes, baby?” Rey asked, keeping her voice soft. She watched as Mia’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked out of the window, watching the desert fly by. They were well out of New Mexico by that point, and though Texas looked just like New Mexico had, she knew that wherever they were wasn’t home.

 

“Where are we?” 

 

She didn’t really know the answer to that in the practical sense- she really didn’t have any clue where they were- and even if she did she was sure it wouldn’t matter to a three-year-old anyways. The question was more of a ‘what’s going on?’, and Rey didn’t know the answer to that question either. How do you tell a toddler that her whole life thus far was one massive dumpster fire?    
  
You didn’t.    
  
“We’re going on an adventure. How does that sound?” She asked with a big smile as she turned off the interstate into a rest stop. She waited a moment while Mia pondered the idea, and soon enough she was smiling back, accepting life on the road as their new normal in an instant. Rey exhaled a breath she seemed to have been holding for hours, thankful for the adaptability of a child.  

 

After a much needed potty break (Rey would have cringed at the phrase in her pre-motherhood days, but now it was just part of her vernacular) and a strawberry poptart from the vending machine for the two of them, they were back on the road. Thankfully, Mia fell back asleep quickly and Rey was able to drive another few hours in silence, still trying to wrap her mind around the situation she had put them in.    
  
There had been nothing left for her back in Jakku, the dumpy little town she had been raised in. She didn’t remember her parents, she had been too young to understand when they left, only knowing the string of foster homes that led to her running away at seventeen. She had found Unkar Plutt’s garage soon enough, when she was dirty, hungry and all out of options. Though he was a shitty boss and an even shittier person, he paid her just enough to get by and that was enough for her. The thought of him now and his greasy smile and big beer belly that often hung out of his stained wife beater just made Rey nauseous. 

 

She went on like that for nearly three years, fixing cars or refrigerators or whatever other jobs Unkar sent her to without complaint. She was good with her hands, always had been, and she used that to her benefit. She wasn’t necessarily happy, but she was surviving and that was what she had always done.

  
Then she got knocked up and everything fell apart. 

 

Mia’s father wasn’t even worth mentioning: he was a nobody just blowing through town and Rey was nineteen and stupid. He was a means to an end for her, a way to pass the time and break up the monotony of her life. She hardly even remembered what he looked like, the only feature she knew for sure was the bright green eyes she looked into every day, since Mia had inherited them. He was long gone by the time Rey found out she was pregnant, and she didn’t tell a soul until it was unavoidable (meaning she could barely get her stomach under a car.) She felt guilty about putting the child’s life at stake before they were even born, but she could hardly afford to provide for herself much less a baby, and she needed the money, so she prayed to any god that would listen to keep her child safe. Unkar was pissed when he found out and called her every mean name and slur imaginable, but instead of firing her he simply stuck her ass behind the front desk until she gave birth and was fit to start repairs again, albeit with Mia’s travel carrier in the corner of the shop. It was no place to have an infant and she knew it, but her options were scarce, and so she made do. 

 

She always made do.

 

If she thought life on her own was difficult, life with a baby was infinitely harder. It was laughable really, and she hated how unfit she was to be a mother. The thought of abortion had passed her mind, but she couldn’t afford it or take the time off to get the procedure done. And then after that she thought of adoption, but she knew the sting of abandonment and the war zone that was the foster care system. Not wanting that life for her child, she grit her teeth and decided to love her daughter so damn much it hurt, no matter what it took. Sure, everything she had was second hand, on sale, and occasionally stolen but Rey did her best to make sure Mia was happy and healthy, even if it meant she wasn’t. 

 

So that was where they were. Poor as dirt and just barely making it, and after almost twenty four years of just surviving, Rey wanted- no, needed- something different. She packed up and left, and with every mile she got from Jakku, the more hopeless she felt. That confused her because wasn’t she supposed to feel better, lighter somehow, now that the burden of her old life was gone? No, that was definitely not it. She felt as if there was lead in her stomach, weighing her down more and more the further she got from everything she had ever known. She was in way over her head. Why had she thought  she could ever make this work? 

 

“Mommy, will you put on Belle?” Mia piped up from the back seat, signalling she was awake and ready to start her day. Rey smiled and turned on the radio to Mia’s precious  _ Beauty and the Beast  _ soundtrack, which had been one of her Christmas gifts that year. Rey hated that her splurge had been a fifteen dollar CD and a few stuffed animals from Goodwill, that that was the best thing she could do, but that’s why she was getting away, wasn’t it? To find something better so she could raise her daughter like she deserved? She just hoped wherever they ended up wasn’t like Jakku.

 

The rest of the day passed in Mia’s loud, off pitched singing (screaming) from the backseat and a dollar menu lunch from McDonald’s, and by seven that night Rey was ready to collapse from exhaustion. She was pushing being awake for thirty seven hours straight and she very much felt it as she pulled off from the interstate. The motel they stopped at was seedy at best, but the bed looked clean enough and it was cheap, so that was where they would be for the night. 

 

After bathing Mia- which was always an affair that led to Rey being thoroughly soaked- and tucking her in, Rey washed her own face, scrubbed her teeth with toothpaste and her finger (she had forgotten the toothbrushes), and finally curled into bed beside her daughter. 

 

She was so incredibly tired and so in over her head. She had no clue what she was going to do, and not for the first time she felt inadequate as a mother. How was she going to take care of a child when she could hardly take care of herself? It was in the quiet moments that the fear and insecurity really took her, leaving her pondering every bad situation that could happen to them. She was scared they would go hungry, or that her car would break down in the middle of nowhere, or that CPS would find them in their threadbare clothes and empty fast food bags and deem her an unfit mother and snatch her little girl away from her. Her entire life had been a series of disappointments and failures, and she knew that if their lives kept going the way it had been, one day her daughter would be swept up in that, too. That horrible reality was what scared her the most.    
  
  



	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They woke up the next morning and drove until they hit the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *says I'll update Saturday*  
> *updates at 12:27 am on Saturday because I'm too excited* 
> 
> Here's chapter two! Hope you all enjoy!

They woke up the next morning and drove until they hit the ocean. 

 

Naturally, never seeing anything like it, Mia screamed her head off as she took off full tilt to the shore, drawing every eye on the beach as she ran. Rey sighed, and absentmindedly contemplated the perks of getting a child leash as she followed after her, ducking her head as she went. 

 

Mia had come into the world screaming and hadn’t stopped since. Everything she did, she did it with the volume way up. While it was okay in the car or in their dance parties at home, Rey really wished she would dial in down in groceries stores and other places that earned her dirty stares. She loved her daughter's wild, carefree personality, but she knew there would be people who tried to tell her to be ashamed of it, and that was the last thing she wanted.  _ Yeah, that’s my kid.  _ She wanted to say.  _ And she’s perfect, so get some ear plugs and stop staring, you judgemental butt heads.  _

 

Not that she would ever say that, but in her own mental arguments with those people, she always won. In reality, she knew they saw a large, stressed out child trying- and failing- to corral a smaller, louder child. Their stares made Rey feel small, so she usually ended up shoving a lollipop into Mia’s mouth and rushing to finish whatever errand she was on. 

 

The thing was, the people that glared at Mia in the store were the same people that shot her dirty looks as a twenty year old, watching her struggle to get things from the bottom shelf with her massive baby bump in the way, never offering to help. They only knew her as the girl at Plutt’s that got herself knocked up by a guy she didn’t know. They would judge her no matter what she did, and she had resigned herself to that fate. She was the one nobody cared about or wanted, her only purpose in the town being a negative example so that everyone could say,  _ ‘well at least you’re not like that Rey Niima…’  _

 

But that was the past, and those people would live their miserable lives in that miserable town and when they died their miserable deaths, what would they be able to say they had done? Jack shit, that’s what. 

 

Rey was out, and so was Mia. So instead of dwelling on the memories of Jakku, she slipped off her sandals at the shore and helped Mia out of her shoes, and together they walked into the ocean for the very first time. 

 

The water felt like their new beginning. 

 

——————-

 

They spent the rest of the morning playing in the waves without a care in the world, chasing the water as it lapped against the sand until their toes were wrinkled and their cheeks were pink from the sun. 

 

“So, monkey,” Rey said as she scooped Mia up from the surf. She giggled and shrieked as Rey blew a raspberry on her tummy, kicking her feet in the air. “What do you think? Should we stay here and make this place our new home? Or keep exploring?” 

 

“Stay here!” Mia declared, and just like that it was settled: they would stay.

 

Once they cleaned the sand off of their feet and got back into the car they drove around to get a feel of the town and find a place to eat lunch. It was just a small coastal town with one main road and a few stoplights, and while the thought of it being another Jakku flashed through her mind, it was full of charm that Rey couldn’t deny, something Jakku never had. That alone was promising, and the  garage and day care center Rey spotted on the way in only warmed her up more to the prospect of staying.. At the very least, they could stick around for a while. If not, they would keep moving.

 

Spotting the sign for a diner, Rey turned the car into the parking lot and decided that maybe spending a little extra on a decent meal wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

 

Their waitress was a kind faced girl named Rose, who quickly provided Mia with a coloring sheet and crayons along with one of the best burgers Rey had ever eaten. While Mia colored and picked at her chicken fingers, Rey took a pad of paper from her purse and began to make a game plan. 

 

**GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER**

 

  * ****Find place to live (6 month lease? 12 month?)****


  * **Get job (mechanics if possible, preferably with benefits)**


  * **Childcare for Mia?**


  * **Eat somehow**


  * **Don’t die**



 

 

“New in town?” Rose asked as she topped off Rey’s glass of water, drawing her attention away from her list. 

 

“Yeah, we just got here this afternoon. I’m Rey, and this is Mia.” She said with a nod, glancing over to where Mia was gracing her coloring sheet was a chaotic mess of scribbles. Rose smiled at Mia before glancing down to her list. Rey wanted to cover it up and politely tell Rose to leave her alone, and that she had everything covered  _ thank you very much.  _ But before she could do anything, Rose was talking again.

 

“I hope I’m not being too nosey, but if you’re looking for a job in mechanics, you should go talk to Han over at the garage. I think he’s always looking for an extra set of hands, especially in the summer. He’s a little rough around the edges, but a good guy.” She said, and Rey was very grateful she hadn’t snapped at the girl. Instead, she smiled and tucked her list away, pulling out a few bills for lunch and offering them to Rose. She held her hand up and shook her head. “It’s on me, consider it a welcome to town gift.”    
  
Rey bristled, hands still clutching the money. She didn’t like gifts, favors, IOU’s, or anything of the sort. She had received her fair share of “gifts” from Unkar, none of which she liked or even wanted, and they all left her more and more indebted to him. She didn’t like the thought of someone being able to hold something over her head, especially a stranger. Plus, she didn’t need anyone’s charity.

 

“I insist.” She said, offering up the money again. Rose shook her head stubbornly, scribbling what Rey guessed was her phone number on a napkin before turning on her heel, a satisfied grin on her face. 

 

“See you around, Rey! Call me if you need anything, or if you want to hang out!” She said over her shoulder. Still anxious at the thought of being indebted to someone else, she left a ten dollar bill on the table and pocketed the phone number before attempting to pry Mia away from her coloring. The toddler was none too pleased about the interruption, and seeing a temper tantrum in the works, Rey grabbed the sheet and crayons before marching out of the diner. She would have to apologize to Rose for the crayon theft later. 

 

\-----------------

 

The garage was humid and reeked of motor oil, and the second the smell hit Rey’s nose she felt right at home. She kept Mia perched on her hip as she walked in, wishing she didn’t look like she had lived out of her car for the past two days. She knew first impressions were important, but she wasn’t sure how good of an impression she’d give anyways. A rumpled twenty three year old with a nap-deprived toddler on her hip didn’t exactly scream “hire me! I’m responsible and dependable!”

  
Still, despite her disheveled appearance and fading confidence, she squared her shoulders and kept walking, hoping it wouldn’t show as she stopped at the first car where a man was bent over the hood. 

 

“Hi, excuse me, I’m looking for Han?” She said, bouncing Mia gently. Whether it was to placate the increasingly fussy child or to dispel her own nerves, she wasn’t sure. She stood there as the man straightened to his full height in front of her, wiping his hands on his tan coveralls. 

 

“Who’s asking?” He said, and she could only assume that the man in front of her was Han. He was… older than she was expecting. With a shock of gray hair and what seemed to be a deep frown, Rey was instantly a little intimidated by him. She had faced worse though, and so she took a deep breath and smiled.

 

“I just got into town and am looking for a job, someone pointed me your way.” She said, the hopefulness evident in her voice. She really needed a job, and if she couldn’t work fixing cars that was okay, but she felt comfortable in a garage, the familiarity of the work providing some semblance of normalcy in her otherwise messy life. 

 

Han raised an eyebrow at her, eyes giving her a once over before flickering to Mia. 

 

“She yours?” He asked, nodding his head towards her. Even though there was nothing in his tone that suggested judgement or ridicule, she still prepared herself for a snide look or outright refusal. 

 

“Yes, she is.” She said, looking to Mia. “Can you say hi?” 

 

A huff was all she got in response. Rey sighed, sending an apologetic look to Han. “Sorry, she hasn’t had her nap today.” 

 

He shrugged in understanding and offered a hand out to Mia. “How about a high five instead, huh kid?” 

 

“NO!” Mia screeched, her voice echoing through the shop, drawing stares from the other workers. Rey closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, calming herself before opening her eyes and giving Han a tight smile. She hated trying to discipline, mostly because she had no idea how. Being a foster kid, she mostly kept her head down and stayed quiet. She saw what happened when kids were bad, the bruises and tear stained eyes, and she did everything in her power to avoid that for herself. So she always fell short when it came to handling Mia’s meltdowns. She had spanked her once, but afterwards she spent the rest of the night crying in guilt and knew she couldn’t handle that form of discipline.  

 

“If you’ll excuse us for a moment, Mia and I need to have a little girl talk.” She said, earning a chuckle from the older man. Hearing the phrase “girl talk” and knowing that it stood for “I’m in trouble”, Mia simply started crying. Rey turned and walked a few steps away from Han before setting Mia down in front of her. The little girl collapsed in a heap, beating her little fists against the floor. 

 

“Amelia Lou Niima,” She said, her voice low. Her tone got the girl’s attention, making her look up with teary eyes. “I know you’re tired, and I know you’re unhappy. I’m sorry about that, but Mommy is trying to do something very important so we can stay here. Do you want to stay here?” A beat, then a small nod. “Good, I want to stay here, too. This will only take a little while longer, once we’re done here we can go and have a rest, but I need you to behave. Screaming and crying is not how we behave when we’re unhappy. Capiche?” 

 

“Capiche.” Mia muttered, eyes still wet with tears. 

 

“Good, now dry your face and go apologize to Mr. Han for being rude, alright?” She said. Mia whined as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, but after a stern look, she picked herself off of the floor and marched over to where Han was standing, an amused look on his face. 

 

“Sorry.” She mumbled. He chuckled and crouched down offering out his hand again. 

 

“Give me that high five and I’ll call us even.” He said, and Rey watched as Mia giggled and slapped the pro-offered hand. The situation defused, Rey made her way back over to Han. 

 

“I’m sorry about that.” She said, the sinking feeling of embarrassment heavy in her stomach. She hoped that whole spectacle hadn’t ruined her chances of getting a job. 

 

“Don’t mention it… Did I get your name?” He said. She shook her head and stuck out her hand. 

 

“Rey Niima, and this is Mia.” She said, resting her free hand on top of Mia’s head. He nodded and shook her hand, leaving a trace of motor oil on it. 

 

“Han Solo, I own the place.” He said, confirming what she already thought to be true as he nodded back at the garage. “As much as I’d like to help, I don’t really need a receptionist-” 

 

“Oh, I don’t want to be a receptionist.” She said, cutting him off with a small laugh that she hoped wouldn’t offend him. “I worked at an autoshop for nearly seven years before moving here, I know my way around cars. I can also fix nearly any piece of equipment or machinery if you give me a tool kit and some time to tinker. I’m very efficient.” 

 

He chuckled at her insistence, rubbing his chin thoughtfully for moment that Rey thought would last forever. Finally, he stuck out his hand and offered her a smirk that set her heart soaring with excitement. “You’ve got it, kid. When can you start?”    
  
A half hour later she walked out of the garage with Mia napping on her shoulder and a job (with health insurance!!!) and for the first time since she got in her car and left Jakku, she felt like maybe, just maybe, she could make it. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a comment to let me know what you think! Our boy Ben is making his appearance in the next chapter, so get hype!!!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Mia get invited to their very first barbecue. Hijinks and awkward moments ensue, courtesy of the mysterious Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, and Ben is finally making his appearance! :) Hope y'all like it!

Before she knew it, a whole month had passed in the sleepy little town that they now called home, and for Rey it had been the best month of her life. She had nearly cried in the middle of the garage when she got her first paycheck from Han, and actually did cry once she got in her car. She had never made so much money in a single paycheck before. She knew Unkar never paid her what she deserved, but she never realized just how much she was being cheated out of until she started receiving fair treatment.   
  
The apartment she had rented wasn’t really much to boast about, but it had big windows that let the light in and she was slowly but surely filling it up with furniture, albeit second-hand. Right now it was still sparse at best, with only mattresses on the floor, the clunky TV she had brought with her from Jakku and an ugly old plaid couch that Han had sold (i.e. given) to her for a ridiculously low price. Still, the apartment was their home and no one could take that away from them. 

 

Working at the garage turned out to be the best part of her new life, because that was where she had found her friends. Sure, her co-workers could be rowdy at the best of times and downright vulgar at the worst, but it was nothing she hadn’t heard before and she found it all incredibly endearing. The three men had quickly welcomed her into the fold, and the camaraderie between her co-workers was just what she needed. They seemed skeptical at first, and she wondered if it was because there had never been a woman working in the garage before. But once she proved that she knew her way around a car, they treated her as an equal, just as capable of getting the job done as they were. 

 

“Earth to Rey, you still in there or has all of the Little Einsteins finally melted your brain?” Poe teased from the car next to her. She rolled her eyes and stuck her middle finger up to him in response, grinning to herself as she kept working. 

 

“It’s quality educational television, Dameron. Not that you would know anything about that.” She shot back playfully. He laughed, throwing his head back until Han walked by and cuffed him. Poe winced, rubbing the back of his head gently as Rey giggled to herself. 

 

Poe, along with his best friend Finn, who worked at the bakery in town, was probably her closest friend in D’Qar. They were easy to be around and absolutely loved Mia, who loved being doted on all of the time. The three of them quickly became a little trio (a foursome if you counted Mia) and spent most of their time off with each other. 

  
Besides Poe, there was of course Han, who she quickly came to see as a father figure- or a dysfunctional uncle at the least. Like Rose had told her, he was callous and rough around the edges, but at his core he had a heart of gold that Rey admired. He was a far better boss than Unkar had been, fair and honest with her. He could be- and usually was- hard on all of them, but she quickly discovered that was just his personality. While he did hold them to a high standard, he also liked to pull jokes just as much as the rest of them, which often led to him hiding Rey’s tools in places that she couldn’t reach. The three taller men found it humorous to watch her struggle with a ladder to get them off of a set of shelves because she was too proud to ask one of them to get them for her. She usually rolled her eyes and flipped them off, but she secretly found it funny (not that she’d let them know that, of course.)

 

Lastly, there was Ben.    
  
She didn’t quite know what to make of him yet. 

 

First off, he hardly ever spoke a word to her. He was tall, awkward, and broody, choosing to work quietly on whatever project he had been tasked with rather than banter with the rest of them. She knew that he was Han’s son, only a few years older than her and had recently moved back home, but from where she wasn’t sure. Other than those few facts, he was a stranger to her. He wasn’t rude or harsh, he  just didn’t speak to her. She tried not to take it personally, but his standoffish behavior made her wonder if maybe she was the problem. 

 

“Don’t worry about him,” Poe tried to comfort her one day on their lunch break. “He’s got a ‘tragic backstory’ that makes him all moody like that.” 

 

Rey knitted her eyebrows together in confusion, setting her tuna sandwich down in her lap as she turned to Poe. “What happened?” She asked, wanting to know more about the mysterious Ben Solo. Poe simply shrugged and took a sip of coke. 

 

“Not my story to tell, sunshine. I don’t think I even know the half of it. You’re going to have to ask him if you really want to know, and that’s something I would advise against.”    
  
Naturally, that had only piqued her interest more. 

 

Her frustration and confusion with Ben did nothing to change the way she felt about her job though. She still loved it and when she woke up in the morning she didn’t dread the idea of having to go to the garage. She enjoyed the work (she had nearly keeled over when Han complimented her, saying that she wasn’t “half bad” when it came to engines) and the people she worked with. She felt like she had a place within their ranks, like she belonged. 

 

She had never belonged anywhere before. 

 

So yeah, maybe sometimes she thought about how happy she was in D’Qar and would cry in the most random of places and absentmindedly wonder if she was pregnant again. Then she would remember that she hadn’t had sex since Mia’s conception, rule that option out and say  _ nope, I’m just that happy.  _

 

\-----------------------

 

“Alright ladies- and Rey- listen up.” Han said one evening right before closing sometime in late June. They were all hot and sweaty from a day working in the summer heat and more than ready to get home, and all wondering why Han had called them for a staff meeting. “The missus has insisted that we do something for the 4th of July, so clear your calendars. You’re invited to a cookout at the Solo-Organa house, feel free to bring a plus one. Bring your own booze and whatever you do bring, bring lots of it.” 

 

That was how she and Mia found themselves invited to their very first barbeque. She had spent the morning of the fourth agonizing over it. What do you wear to a barbeque? Was it casual? Did she wear shorts and a shirt? A sundress? (She crossed that option off very quickly: she didn’t own a dress.) Hell, would she need to bring a swimsuit, would they even be swimming? Did she even want to wear a swimsuit in front of her coworkers? (No.) What about bringing food? She knew Han had mentioned bringing alcohol, but she couldn’t do that with her three year old in tow… So did she need to make something to take, or could she go empty handed?    
  
She nearly drove herself into a tizzy and not knowing what else to do, she called Poe.  He had laughed at her stress but was quick to calm her fears. “You want to look relaxed but not sloppy, wear shorts and a tank top. If you bring something, do brownies or something like that. You can’t go wrong with baked goods. Okay, sunshine?” 

 

“Thanks Poe. I’ve never been invited to anything like this before, I feel so silly asking all of these questions.” She said with a sigh of relief, her phone stuck between her cheek and her shoulder as she pulled Mia’s hair back into pigtails. 

“Don’t worry about it, we’re all just going to eat, drink, and be merry. Just try to relax and have fun.” 

 

She hung up a minute later feeling almost giddy. She had actual plans to hang out with people her own age, and not just because she had to or because of work. She had people that wanted to spend time with her, rather than avoid her like the plague. 

 

With that in mind she had a skip in her step the rest of the day, even putting on a little makeup for the special occasion, and before she knew it she was in front of the Solo-Organa house, a box of cookies in hand. Nerves coiled tightly in her stomach as she walked up the front steps and squeezed Mia’s hand gently. 

 

“Best behavior, monkey.” She gently reminded her as she opened the door. Mia just smiled up at her, melting her heart. It was one that was sweet, but almost definitely promised trouble. Still, it was too damn cute to argue. 

 

“Mia!” Finn exclaimed as they walked in, crouching down so she could run into his arms. Rey watched with a smile on her face as she babbled on about her day to him. She had never had a good male figure in her life, which is something Rey had always been worried about. It had nothing to do with her ability to parent well, but she still thought that any child deserved to have both parents around. And while they definitely weren’t Mia’s father, between Poe and Finn she knew that they would be good influences on her. It was different with Finn though, she had taken to him like a duck to water. She absolutely loved him, and would undoubtedly stay in his arms as long as he let her- which was usually a while. He had fallen for her charm just as much as Rey had. He couldn’t help it though, it was very easy to be smitten with the little girl. 

 

With Mia distracted, she set the cookies down on a table with other desserts and hugged Poe, thanking him again for his help before walking outside to see who was out there. 

 

She found Han on the back porch beside the grill, beer in hand as he flipped burgers, looking like the picture of the ‘All American Man’, and the sight almost made her laugh. Beside him in a big sun hat was a graying woman with smile lines and a margarita glass poised delicately in her fingers. She was a lot smaller than him, but in the way she carried herself she demanded attention. Rey was immediately curious and a little intimidated by the woman. 

 

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Han said with a grin when he noticed her presence. “Rey, meet my wife Leia. Leia, this is the new girl at the garage that I told you about.” 

 

Leia smiled at her and stuck her hand out for Rey to shake. “Leia Organa,” She repeated as they shook hands. “I’ve heard lots of good things about you, mostly that you don’t take any shit from the boneheads at the garage.”    
  
Rey laughed, wondering what all Han had told her. “I try.” 

 

“Well keep up the good work. They’re all morons, my husband and son included. Lovable morons with the best of intentions, but still morons.” Leia said as she sipped her drink. 

 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She said with a smile as the door opened behind her. She glanced over her shoulder to see Ben stepping outside, a tray of uncooked hot dogs in his hand. He sat them down beside the grill for Han to cook before stepping past her to grab a beer from the cooler. 

 

“Rey.” He said after he got the top off, nodding his head in acknowledgement. She smiled at him, giving him a little wave. 

 

“Happy fourth of July, Ben.” She said, earning a snort from him as he took a pull from the bottle. She gave him a peculiar look, not quite understanding the snort. 

 

“It’s ironic, because you’re British.” Was all he said in way of explanation, and with that he was gone, disappearing back inside. Rey stayed rooted in her spot on the porch, befuddled at the whole interaction. It was the most they had ever talked, and it didn’t make one bit of sense. Sensing her confusion, Han nudged her with his elbow. 

 

“Ignore him, like my wife said, he’s a moron.” 

 

“A moron with good intentions.” Leia added, and Han only shrugged. 

  
“Still a moron.” 

 

\------------------

_ ‘It’s ironic because you’re British’- What the absolute  _ **_fuck_ ** _ were you thinking Ben?  _ He thought as he walked back into the house, brushing past where Finn and Poe were playing with Rey’s daughter (who had hugged him when she first saw him, leaving him standing there like an idiot while a small gremlin squeezed him, wondering how to get her off without offending or hurting her). Finally getting to his bedroom, he shut the door behind him, perfectly content to stay there and hide from her until Rey moved away, or he died. Whichever happened first, and he wasn’t going to be picky. Either way, he was fine hiding away in his room until his embarrassment had subsided. (Which would probably be never.)    
  
The embarrassment left him feeling anxious as he paced his room, the uncomfortable feeling leaving him itching to find some sort of release for the tension. He set down his beer bottle, not wanting to clean up the broken glass and instead flipped over his laundry basket.  _ Worthless bastard,  _ he thought as he kicked the overturned basket, scattering clean clothes everywhere.  _ Your fucking mother does your laundry. How much more pathetic could you be?  _ The self deprecating thought only made him lash out more as he hurled a pillow at the wall before punching his mattress until his chest heaved and his shoulders ached with exertion. He lifted his head, taking in his slightly destroyed (but thankfully not structurally damaged) bedroom. All of that because he said something stupid to a pretty girl. He laughed humorlessly, hanging his head again. He was such a fucking basket case. 

 

The thing was: he didn’t know quite what to think of Rey. The first time he had even noticed her was when she came in to get the job, hair piled up sloppily in a bun on the top of her head as she was knelt down talking to a very, very fussy toddler. He had been in the perfect spot to see her, the mildly annoyed yet loving look on her face making him think about the many times he had gotten the same look from his own mother as a child. His first thought was that she looked very young to have a child that age (if the child was even hers, she was a stranger so for all he knew the little girl could have been her sister or cousin.) His second thought was that even though she looked exhausted and a little rumpled, she absolutely shined. The little smile she gave to the girl once she nodded reluctantly to whatever she had to say, gently pushing her off towards Han, was enough to make his chest tighten in a way that it hadn’t in a very long time. 

  
She came in the next morning ready to work, the same bright smile on her face as she stepped into her new tan coveralls, introducing herself with wide, excited eyes and a firm handshake. He, not knowing what else to do, just nodded to her as he shook her hand, reveling in how small it was in his own. 

 

He knew then that he was well and truly fucked. 

 

He never said anything to her, preferring to keep his distance and do his work in solitude, blocking out the playful banter between her, Han, and Poe, which was usually accompanied by her light, lilting laugh that made him grin to himself like some lovesick teenager. It was better that way, for him to just not interact with her. It’s not like she would want to give him the time of day anyways. He was a broody asshole who still lived with his parents and got pissed off way too often, while she was young, sweet and pure light; everything he wasn’t. Plus, as she had confirmed it while talking to Poe at work during her first day, the kid was hers. That made things more difficult. He had never seen or heard anything about the father, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t in the picture, so it was stupid to pine over her. Even if she were single, she wouldn’t want him around Mia anyways. 

 

But still, the one time he spoke to her in the month and a half she had been working with him, he said the  _ stupidest fucking thing  _ that anyone had ever said to another human. He needed an award for being such a idiot. 

  
At the reminder of the painfully awkward interaction, he groaned out loud, smacking the back of his head against the wall with a loud  _ thud.  _

 

“Ben?” Leia called from the other side just as he did, pausing once she heard the sound. “Are you alright? Do I need to come in there?” 

 

“No, I’m fine.” He replied, picking his beer up from where he had sat it down. With that in hand he crossed his room to the door, swinging it open to reveal his mother on the other side. “What?” 

 

She looked shocked to have him so defensive, using his body to block the disaster area that was his bedroom. Still, she glanced around him to take in the mess he had made, simply sighing. It was a normal sight for her. “Dinner’s ready, dear. Come on out and eat with us.” Ben inhaled slowly, wishing more than anything else that he could stay in his room and avoid all of his problems. (Moreso, his problem, which was Rey Niima.) Still, he had promised Han and Leia that he would try harder to be more personable and not the standoffish asshole he knew he was. Of course, they hadn’t phrased it like that, but he knew that was what they were really saying when they told him to get out of the house more.    
  
“Alright,” He said reluctantly, “I’ll be there in a second.” 

 

\---------------

 

The rest of the cookout passed without incident, and Rey stuck close to Finn and Poe, not wanting another awkward encounter with Ben. She told them about his comment on her being British, which sent them into a laughing fit, which led to them speaking in exaggerated English accents for the rest of the night. 

 

“It’s not that funny.” She said with a roll of her eyes as she cut up Mia’s hot dog. Mia had thankfully let Finn put her down when the food was served, only to climb into her lap once she had set their plates down. Rey didn’t mind one bit, she had gotten very used to eating with a little body in the way.

 

“Oy! That’s not funny!” Finn parroted in a ridiculous cockney accent, sending both him and Poe into a laughing fit. Rey huffed, flicking the couple off. 

 

“I don’t sound like that.” She said bitterly. Mia giggled in her lap and experimentally held up her little middle finger, only being encouraged as Finn and Poe started laughing even harder, tears welling up in their eyes as everyone else looked their way. Of course, they joined in laughing as Rey groaned, hiding her face in her hands. 

 

She could see it now, “Mother of the Year: Rey Niima”. 

 

“That’s not polite, baby.” She said, gently taking Mia’s hand and putting her finger down into place. 

 

“Don’t worry Rey, you should’ve seen Ben as a toddler.” Leia said, pulling everyone’s attention towards her. Rey was thankful that the spotlight wasn’t on her anymore and made a note to thank Leia for it later. 

 

“Ooh, do tell what our dear Ben was like as a child.” Poe said, a devilish grin spreading across his face. 

 

“Please don’t.” Ben said immediately after, ears already tinged pink. Unfortunately for him, it was too late and Han and Leia had already shared a conspiratorial grin between them. 

 

“Well his first word was rather memorable- he took after Han a little too much.” Leia started with a laugh, earning a groan of  _ Leia, please _ from Ben. Paying no attention to her son’s rapidly growing humiliation, the older woman continued. “So one day, little Ben is toddling through the house with a bottle in his hand and he drops it. So-  Rey, cover the little ears please- he looks down at the bottle, throws his hands up and shouts ‘fuck!’ at the top of his lungs. Poor Han nearly had an aneurysm, he was laughing so hard.” 

 

The group roared with laughter at Ben’s expense, only for him to stand up and stalk out grumpily a moment later, the sound of a slamming door echoing through the house accompanied by the pictures on the wall shaking slightly. There was a beat of awkward silence where no one knew how to react, but Mia, too little to pick up on it, started chatting away and led the conversation elsewhere. 

 

At the end of the night, Rey left with Mia sleeping on her shoulder and a plate of leftovers that Leia insisted they take in her hand. She also left with a promise to have tea with Leia because as she said, “I know you must be going crazy being around men all the time.” It was true, working with all men did have its challenges, but things were looking up for her, and she wouldn’t trade that for the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback honestly gives me so much life and encouragement, I really like knowing what you guys think, so feel free to leave feedback! Next update comes Saturday!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! New chapter! 
> 
> Also I want to give a shout out to my lovely beta Julie (aka fairytalelovr) who is the absolute best! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Rey was first put in the foster care system when she was five (or at least that’s what the police officer that found her in the gas station, stealing a can of vienna sausages, had guessed when he turned her over to social services) and in the first year she went through four different homes for one reason or another. It was just after her sixth birthday- the one the state decided for her since they couldn’t find any previous paperwork on her- she was placed in her favorite home. The parents were kind and treated her right, giving her a nice warm bed and a full tummy every night, a luxury that other homes had not given her. She thought that they might be the ones, the people that would love her and adopt her, and then she would finally have a real family.  Like everyone else in Jakku though, they were poor and the little stipend they received just wasn’t enough for them to support her, so after only two months she was back in the system again. While she was there though, she read all of their books like it was her job, turning the pages until they were soft and worn under her little fingertips. Her favorite had been  _ Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day,  _ and she read it aloud often, enjoying the way the words rolled off of her tongue. 

 

Eighteen years later, and Rey was having her very own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. 

 

First, her car wouldn’t start so she was forced to walk a mile and a half to drop Mia off (late) for daycare. Mia, not understanding that there was nothing Rey could do to fix the situation, decided to make her displeasure at walking very, very known by throwing a tantrum and refusing to walk for the last mile. Rey carried her the rest of the way, knowing that trying to reason with the tired, grumpy toddler would only be a losing battle. Her arms were sore by the time she dropped her off and so when she finally got to work (very late) her whole body was aching and she could feel the gentle throb of a migraine coming on. To make things better, once she got to work she had to explain  _ why _ she was late to Han because she had forgotten to charge her phone the night before and was unable to call him in advance, he only laughed at her misfortune because there is a certain amount of irony in a mechanic’s car breaking down. 

 

She merely huffed in annoyance at her boss and went off to change into her work boots and coveralls, and that was when she discovered that she was not the only one who was having a bad morning. While Rey reacted with quiet, sullen detachment when she was in a bad news, Ben Solo was very, very different. When he was in a bad mood, he let everyone around him know his displeasure. That, of course, only made Rey’s mood more sour. 

 

“Oops, sorry-” She said when she bumped into him, just barely jostling him as she made her way over to the car she was working on. Rey was sure it had done nothing to mess up his work, but nevertheless he shot a dirty glare over his shoulder, one that would have killed her if it were possible. 

 

“Watch where you’re going.” He snapped, malice dripping from his words. 

“I said I was sorry.” She shot back, part of her itching for a fight to get all of her frustration from the morning out. She needed the catharsis in any way she could get it. Ben rolled his eyes, turning to face her. He loomed over her, using his height to his advantage to intimidate her. She would be lying if she said it didn’t.

 

“Well that’s not fucking good enough-” 

  
“What the hell is your deal?” Rey said, voice rising. “Do you think you can get your way by being an asshole and bullying people smaller than you? Well tough shit Ben, because that’s not going to work with me.” 

 

“I just want to do my fucking job, unlike you, who seems to only want to bitch and moan to people about how hard her life is.” 

 

The words struck a chord in Rey, the hurt stinging in her chest. She had told Poe bits and pieces about herself and her life before she arrived in D’Qar, but she kept most of the details to herself. Even in that, she had never once complained about the struggles she had faced. Hell, she had never even  _ mentioned  _ the worst parts of her life in Jakku. Ben’s word’s were cruel and meant to hurt her, and she hardly knew why he wanted to. “You don’t know the first thing about me or my life, Ben Solo.” 

 

“Well you don’t know me either,” He shot back, backing her into the corner. Another intimidation tactic. Rey flinched away from him, but the action went unnoticed by him. “So stop fucking acting like you do.” 

 

“Ben!” Han said loudly, pulling Ben back away from her. He used his grip on his shoulder to force Ben to face him, pointing towards the door. “Get out of my shop, we don't treat women like that here.” 

 

Ben snorted humorlessly, jerking his shoulder out of his father’s grasp as he started unzipping his coveralls to reveal the black t-shirt underneath as he arched an eyebrow at Han. “When did that become a part of your personal code? It must be new.” 

 

“Out!” Han shouted, voice echoing through the garage making Rey flinch back, trying to make herself small. She had never seen Han so angry, and she had never heard him raise his voice before. She could only wonder what his response to her, the new girl that he barely knew, would be compared to his son’s. She could only assume it would be worse.    
  
Han waited until Ben had stalked out, throwing his tools and coveralls to the ground before slamming the door, leaving the garage filled with an heavy silence. 

 

“Rey-” Han started with a sigh, and she bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. 

 

“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault. I had a bad morning and was looking to take it out on someone. I baited him and he-” She started, only to be cut off by Han lifting up a hand. 

 

“He’s a grown man, he should know better.” He said, running a hand over his face with a long sigh. “Don’t take what he said to heart, he can be an asshole at the best of times.” 

 

With that Han turned and disappeared into his office, leaving Rey and Poe in the garage. Rey bit her lip and took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure as she continued on towards the car she was working on. When she saw Poe coming over to her she simply shook her head, wordlessly telling him that she needed to be left alone after the episode. Thankfully, Poe left her alone, instead turning on the radio to her favorite station in an attempt to comfort her.  

 

The morning passed quickly and during her lunch break Rey took the tow truck to get her car, feeling much better than she had when she got to work that day. Her hope was that she could figure out what was wrong with her car and fix it on her own time so that Han wouldn’t make her pay for the labor. When she returned with her car and a burger from the diner, she was shocked to see Ben there, bent over a car working silently. Rey simply skirted around him, wanting to avoid the man at all costs after that morning.  

Despite Ben’s presence, Rey thought her day was looking up. Of course, she had to be wrong. She was bent over the hood of another car tinkering with a broken valve when Poe came up behind her, leaning in gently to whisper in her ear that she had started her period. True to what he said, when she looked there was a telltale bright red stain on the back of her tan coveralls, visible to the whole world. 

 

Embarrassed and frustrated with how sucky her day had gotten, Rey did the only logical thing: she started crying. Right there, bent over the hood of the car, in front of all of her male coworkers who hadn’t the slightest clue of what to do. She was a blubbering mess, which only spurred on her embarrassment. 

 

She had cried in front of Unkar Plutt only once. She was eighteen and had only been working for him for a few months when she had dropped a hubcap right on her toe. Because she didn’t have proper work boots, only beaten up sneakers that provided no protection, her toenail broke in half, tearing a pained scream from her that echoed through the whole garage. 

 

“Are you crying, girl?” He had asked, grabbing her chin in his grubby hands to survey the tear running down her cheek. He spat at her shoes, one of which was already being stained by blood. “Only little girls cry, and little girls don’t get paid. Understood?” 

 

She could only nod and quickly wipe her tears away before he had turned on his heel and stomped off, mumbling something about cutting her pay for the little stunt. 

 

Remembering that moment as Han walked over cautiously, Rey stood up and began wiping her tears and runny nose with the back of her hand. She had already screwed up once that day in her spat with Ben, she didn’t want to give her boss another reason to be upset with her.    
“Rey, you’ve had a rough morning. Why don’t you take the rest of the day-” He started, only for her to cut him off, waving her hands frantically. 

 

“No! I can work, I promise. Please don’t send me away. I promise I’ll stop crying and I’ll work harder and won’t cause anymore problems and-” She rambled, fighting back the new tears that threatened to fall. Han simply raised a hand to cut her off for the second time that day.

 

“I’m not sending you home because you’re crying, or because your argued with Ben this morning, I’m sending you home because you’re having a shitty day and need some time to yourself. It’s a slow day, we won’t fall apart with one less set of hands. Go home and paint your nails or fix a lawn mower or whatever it is you like to do with your free time.” He said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a set of keys. He pressed them into her hands as she stared dumbly at him. “Take the Falcon, I’ll fix your van and come by later to swap cars.” 

 

Rey held the keys to Han’s prized truck in her hands, staring down at them in awe. He was lending her his car, just so she wouldn’t have to walk home? She didn’t understand, but she closed her fingers around the keys anyways. 

 

“But if I don’t work, then I won’t get paid.” She whispered, staring down at her feet in shame. It was the end of the month and she had finally gotten bed frames for Mia and herself, so money was tight, and she couldn’t risk having her pay cut. Of course, she could make do if she had to, dip into the money she was saving for new clothes for Mia if she needed to pay a bill… 

 

“Jesus Christ, is that what you’re worried about?” Han asked. “I’m not going to dock your pay for one afternoon. You get paid time off, you know? And personal days too, consider this one of them.”    
  
“But, my old boss-” She started. 

 

“Didn’t give you time off? Well then he’s a greasy fuck, and that’s not how I run my business. Now get out of here Rey.” He said, patting her on the shoulder and gently pushing her towards the door. She trudged out, waving goodbye to Poe as she left, and made her way to the truck Han so lovingly had named the  _ Millenium Falcon.  _ It was an old gray pickup with its fair share of bumps and scrapes, but the inside was clean and the seats were soft from use, all signs of a car well loved. 

  
She didn’t pick Mia up from daycare, telling herself that the girl needed time to socialize with children her age, and that she needed time to be by herself. Once she got home she was quick to strip off her clothes, tossing them in the washing machine before going straight to the bathroom. She couldn’t remember the last time she had time to herself, and so she decided that she was going to indulge herself in a nice, long, way too hot bath. 

 

She stayed in the tub, reading a book that didn’t have any pictures or talking animals in it, for the better part of an hour, until the water had gone cold and her stomach was growling. It was only then that she got out and put on a big t-shirt, content to spend the rest of her day not wearing pants and reading. 

 

Part of her still worried that she needed to be working, that somehow her little slip up would keep her from paying the bills that month. If that happened, she would make it work. She always did, but the niggling thought in her mind that she wouldn’t be able to provide was ever present-and she wasn’t sure that it would ever go away. 

 

Truth be told, she wasn’t used to having hours and hours to herself, so eventually (with her book finished) she went around the small apartment, cleaning it top to bottom- a task that usually did not get done with her work schedule and an energetic toddler. She was thankful when the clock hit five and she finally left to go get Mia, who was excited to be picked up earlier than usual. She took the opportunity to introduce Rey to all of her friends, who all seemed to have boundless enthusiasm to meet “Mia’s mommy”- as she had so ceremoniously been dubbed. Her heart swelled with pride though, and she thought to herself that coming from the little girl and her friends, the title wasn’t half bad.    
  


“Come on, monkey.” She said, grabbing Mia’s bag from its hook and waving goodbye to her friends as they walked out. She held her little hand as they walked out to the car, the late afternoon sun warm on their cheeks. “Mia, how would you like to go to the beach for a while after dinner?” She asked. The weather was nice, and after their rough start to the day Rey reasoned that a walk on the beach would be a good way to end it. 

 

“Yes! I love the beach!” Mia yelled, jumping up and down excitedly. The beach had quickly become Mia’s favorite place, and so she was constantly begging to go. Rey could only imagine what would happen when it started getting colder and she would have to explain why they couldn’t go swimming in January. 

 

Rey drove home extra careful- Mia’s booster seat was still in her car- but the three year old paid it no heed and only rambled about how cool it was that they were riding in  _ Mr. Han’s big boy truck.  _ Rey laughed at the observation and made a mental note to tell Han about it when he came to get the truck back, thinking he could get a good laugh out of it.

 

When the doorbell rang later that evening, they were watching Sesame Street and eating dinner- Rey wished they didn’t eat in front of the TV every night, but she had yet to get a kitchen table, so that would have to wait. At the sound of the doorbell ringing,  Mia had darted to the door, fumbling with the handle, which Rey had childproofed for that very reason. Left to her own devices, the overly friendly girl would probably let anyone into the apartment, which was something Rey wanted to avoid at all costs. 

 

“Mommy! The door won’t open!” She whined, sagging dramatically against the offending object as Rey chuckled. She picked Mia up, flipping her upside down so that her feet were straight up in the air as she opened the door. 

 

To her surprise, it wasn’t Han standing on the other side. 

 

“Ben,” She said, the name coming out more bitter than she had meant it to. She hardly cared, since after that morning she knew it would be pointless to hide the animosity she had towards him. He stood on her welcome mat, hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets. His eyes roved over them, Mia upside down and Rey in a fitted tank top that she was sure had a motor oil stain on the boob and threadbare shorts that were practically falling apart at the seams. He cleared his throat and met her eyes again for a split second before dropping down to his feet. 

 

“Something came up, so Han sent me instead.” He said, pulling a hand from his pocket to hold out her key ring. “We had to replace the battery, it was completely fried. We only charged for the part, not the labor, you can either pay it tomorrow or just have it come out of your check. Han wanted to give you the option.” 

 

She simply hummed noncommittally rather than answering right away, instead giving him a once over before nodding. “I’ll settle things with him tomorrow. Let me grab the keys to the Falcon and you can be on your way.” She said curtly, flipping Mia over to set her back on her feet before turning on her heel to get the keys. Mia giggled and staggered around, dizzy from all of the blood rushing to her head, but also putting on a show for the man. Rey couldn’t help but chuckle as she dramatically collapsed at Ben’s feet, leaving the man looking very confused at what to do. She grabbed the keys from where she had left them on the kitchen counter and walked back over to where Ben still stood just inside the doorway, tossing the keys to him with a little more force than necessary. He wasn’t fast enough to catch them so they landed against his chest with a thud and he winced in pain. Rey snorted, getting some sort of sick satisfaction from it. 

 

“You’re tall. Like a giant.” Mia observed as she stood up, unaware of the tension between the two adults. “I bet I couldn’t jump as tall as you.” To prove her statement, she started jumping, putting all of her might into the jump. 

 

“Thanks?” Ben said, not sure if that was a compliment or not. He looked up to Rey, confusion etched on his face. She wondered how a man his age could be so awkward around children. Did he have no younger cousins or friends with children? 

 

“Stop jumping monkey, you’ll make your tummy hurt.” She said, gently resting a hand on Mia’s shoulder to make her stop. The little girl smiled brightly, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. “Why don’t you put your plate from dinner away and go put your shoes on?”    
  
“Okay! Ooh, Ben, Ben, Ben! Me and Mommy are going to the beach, can you come with us?” She asked, eyes wide as she tugged on the hem of his shirt. Rey pulled her back, shaking her head. 

 

“No-” 

  
“Sure.” 

  
He said it at the same time she had turned the idea down, and her eyes snapped up to him, not bothering to hide the glare. 

 

“I’d rather you not. Mia, go put your shoes on please.” She said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest as she squared up to Ben as Mia disappeared into her room. “I wouldn’t want to make you listen to me complain about my life.” 

 

Ben frowned as she parroted the words he had said to her this morning, casting his eyes downward in shame. “Look, about that-” 

 

“Frankly, I don’t care for what you have to say. I know I wasn’t very kind, but you were an ass this morning.” She said. 

 

“I was.” He admitted, looking back up at her. She could see the regret and sincerity in his eyes. “I was pissed off and couldn’t watch my mouth.” 

 

Rey sighed. Even though he had admitted he was wrong, he still hadn’t apologized for his behavior. She didn’t expect- or even want- him to. She didn’t need his apology. 

 

“Mommy, is Ben coming with us?” Mia asked then, coming up behind her with a bright smile and curious eyes. Rey chewed on her lip for a moment, staring at Ben while she slipped her feet into her flip flops. Why did he even want to be around her when he hardly even liked her? It didn’t make any sense. 

 

“No, Monkey. He’s not.” She said, watching as Ben deflated slightly. She grabbed Mia’s hand and brushed past Ben, locking the door behind her before turning to Ben, keeping her voice low so Mia wouldn’t hear what she said next. “If you want to be around me and my daughter, you’re going to have to earn it.” 

  
With that she turned and started walking off, leaving Ben helpless in front of her door. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, I love seeing comments and feedback and it really motivates me! Until next time!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to prove himself Rey, and she discovers a new favorite pastime. 
> 
> Family beach days abound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, let's go! This is personally one of my favorite chapters, along with the next one. It was really fun to write, so I hope y'all enjoy it! 
> 
> Also, if you noticed there is no longer going to be 15 chapters, that's because I had the fic completely written out and then my muse decided to derail the entire thing while I was editing. SO, who knows how many chapters there will be now, because I certainly don't! I'm still going to be sticking with the posting schedule as best as I can, so never fear! 
> 
> Without further ado, chapter five!

When Rey went into work the next morning, she found a breakfast burrito - her favorite breakfast item from the diner - in her locker. It was wrapped in silver foil and rested beside her work boots, and was still warm when she picked it up. She glanced over her shoulder, finding Ben already working in the corner. He was the only one there at the moment, having opened up for the day, so he was the only one who could have left her the burrito. A peace offering of sorts, she thought. Rey quirked an eyebrow, quickly pulling on her coveralls and work boots before slowly making her way across the garage, burrito in hand. She stopped beside Ben, slowly unwrapping it as he looked up at her, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen from his pony tail from his face as she took a bite, never breaking eye contact with him as she chewed. One she swallowed, she pushed off of the car she was leaning against and tossed the partially eaten burrito in the trash can, watching the twinge of irritation flash through Ben’s eyes.

 

Part of her- the young girl who never knew when or where she would get her next meal from- wanted to cringe at the thought of throwing away food. For most of her life, the burrito would have been the only thing standing between her and starvation, and she would have never thought of turning it down. Sometimes that old habit still reared its ugly head, Poe and Finn had teased her enough about her ability to eat anything and everything, and though she would never admit it to anyone she had definitely eaten four day old takeout before, not wanting to waste it. Still, the other stubborn, self reliant part of her was not going to let _Ben fucking Solo_ know that he had done something she appreciated. Especially after the way he acted towards her on Friday. She wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily.

 

“I don’t like ham.” She said, practically begging him to challenge her as she turned on her heel and marched off, only getting more satisfaction when she heard his groan of annoyance followed by the clang of a wrench being thrown across the room.

 

While she hated throwing away food, getting under Ben's skin was oh so worth it.

 

It took him another two days to finally get her order right: eggs, bacon, cheese, salsa and hashbrowns on a wheat tortilla. Ben’s eyes glued were glued to her as she chewed thoughtfully, relishing the taste. She could practically see his relief when she took a second bite, and then a third. The burrito was perfect, exactly what she liked, and she was tempted to eat the whole thing. Still, watching him suffer was a bit more fun. He groaned when she threw it away only half eaten, his knuckles going white against the hood of the car. He was so close to losing his temper, and Rey loved pushing his buttons as much as she could.

 

“What’s wrong this time?” He huffed as she folded her arms over her chest. She knew it wasn’t right, but he made it way too easy sometimes.

 

“Nothing, it was perfect. I got a little thirsty though, I wish I had something to drink. Maybe a black coffee or something.” She said with a shrug, turning on her heel, trying to ignore Han’s quiet laughter from the corner of the shop. It seemed like he and Poe enjoyed watching her pick on Ben just as much as she enjoyed doing it.

  
The rest of the week went on like that with Ben doing nearly everything Rey had asked of him, much to Poe and Han’s amusement. Rey ignored them and let Ben go on, appreciating the breakfast that was always waiting on her when she got to work. He was making an effort, that much was true. For what, she hardly knew because he had yet to actually say more than a few sentences to her. By the time it got to the end of the week she stopped him at the lockers as he stepped out of his coveralls, giving him a sickeningly sweet smile and patting him once on the chest as she clocked out for the day.

 

“Ben,” She said as he looked at her hopefully, the look quickly changing to confusion as she slipped a wad of bills into the pocket of his shirt that would cover all of the breakfast he had bought her for the week. She wasn’t going to let him have collateral on her. “I admire your persistence, but I don’t take bribes.”

  
With that, she turned on her heel and marched out of the garage, a victorious smile on her face as he swore loudly behind her.

 

\-----------------

 

“She’s driving him crazy.” Leia said with a sigh that night, legs crossed facing her husband as Han stretched out on the bed beside her, arms folded behind his head.

 

“I know, it’s fun to watch. I’m impressed at how well he’s been holding his temper. Maybe he’s learning something from all this.” He said with a chuckle, remembering the look on his son’s face everytime Rey threw away another burrito or cup of coffee. “Do you think he’s got feelings for her? Has he said anything to you about it?”

  
Leia rolled her eyes, shrugging. “When has he ever talked to me about girls? Hell, when he was growing up I thought he didn’t like girls- or boys, for that matter. Your guess is as good as mine. Everything he’s said about her is about how stupid and infuriating she is.”  

 

“He doesn’t mean it.” Han said surely. “If he doesn’t have feelings for her, then he’s taking this is a challenge or something. Either way, I want to put an end to it. As funny as it is to watch, I don’t want him fixating on her. You know how he can get, and if this blows up in his face…”

 

“It could be bad.” Leia finished, practically reading her husband’s mind as she laid down, resting her head on his chest. His arm folded around her, holding her to his chest as she sighed. “I can’t do a re-do of the last ten years. I don’t think my heart can handle it, Han.”

  
“You won’t have to, princess.” He said, the term of endearment still making her roll her eyes even after all of those years. “We’ve got our son back, and I’m not letting him slip away again. We’ll do it together.”

 

Leia just sighed, twisting her fingers into the fabric of Han’s shirt, hoping more than anything that he was right.

 

The next morning Ben walked into his kitchen just past seven, chest still heaving and slick with sweat from his morning run. It was a new habit that he had formed, a way to relieve stress and keep his head on straight when he felt like everything was falling apart. Sure enough, when he had left his house right at six am, he felt the tension and frustration from the past week tight in his shoulders and with every thundering stride he took he felt the anxiety leaving his body. He was feeling significantly lighter when he finally finished his run, pulling his hair down from the ridiculous pony tail that he kept it in to keep it out of his face while he ran. To his surprise, he wasn’t alone when he entered the kitchen.

 

“Morning.” Han said, taking a sip from his usual mug as Ben quirked an eyebrow at him.

 

“You’re up early.” He said simply, reaching into the cabinet to grab a cup (plastic, his mother wouldn’t let him use glass until he showed that he wouldn’t break it) and filling it up with water. He drank it greedily, relishing the cool rush of it rehydrating his worn body.

 

“What’s going on with you and Rey? Is this some weird flirting thing?” The older man asked suddenly, causing Ben to choke on the water he was drinking. He coughed and sputtered, clutching onto the cabinet as he fought to catch his breath.

 

“What the _fuck,_ Han!” He nearly shouted once he finally had the breath to speak. The question caught him off guard and that was not something he wanted to talk about with anyone, let alone his father.

 

“Shhh, your mother is still asleep.” He said, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “Now, answer the question.”

 

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” Ben said, tossing the now empty cup carelessly into the sink. Still, he didn’t stalk out of the room or break anything, which Han took as a good sign to keep going.   
  
“Well then what is it? If you don’t like her, why are you trying so hard?” Han asked, kicking the seat across from him out, motioning for Ben to sit. The younger man eyed the chair warily, but knowing that he couldn’t really get out of the conversation, he reluctantly sat down.

 

“I don’t know.” He said, voice barely a mumble. He didn’t know how the hell he felt about Rey. He just knew that he saw the way she interacted with everyone else; Poe, Finn, Rose, and his parents, and he wanted to be a part of that. She was sweet and funny and bright and everything that he wasn’t. It didn’t matter what he thought about her though, because she seemed to have her mind pretty set on how she felt about him. He was an asshole who couldn’t control his temper and tried way too hard. It frustrated the hell out of him, he just couldn’t seem to do anything right.

 

“I think you do know, and you just don’t want to face it. You’ve gotta let yourself feel, kid.” Han said carefully. Ben inhaled sharply, standing up quickly. He was right, and that scared him. He didn’t want to talk about, think about, or even acknowledge his tumultuous feelings for the girl. So he did what he was best at: he got defensive.

 

“You don’t know the first thing about me.” He snapped, voice low. Han sighed, knowing that there was little hope of salvaging the conversation once Ben decided to shut down emotionally.

 

“Look, son. If you have feelings for her or if you don’t, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I just want you to be careful. She’s not some perfect thing that needs to be put on a pedestal or won over. She’s just a woman. If you really want to get to know her, just talk to her.” He said, watching as Ben’s back tensed for a moment before walking out of the kitchen without another word.

 

Han sighed. He was hoping he’d make a breakthrough with his son, maybe even a little one. He had been trying for two years to salvage their broken relationship, and nearly every attempt had ended in failure. Han didn’t let it get him down though. He simply sipped his coffee, deciding that if he wanted anything to change, he was going to have to keep trying.

 

Leia had mentioned it the night before, and though he knew it would take a lot of persuasion, Han knew it was time to bring out the big guns.

 

It was time for a family day.

 

\--------------------

 

Rey had never owned a bikini in her life.   
  
There was hardly ever a need for it, no one was rich enough in Jakku to own a pool, and because of that she never learned how to swim. Part of her was ashamed of that fact, being twenty four and afraid to go past her knees in any body of water, but it was something she kept to herself.

 

Of course, when she got to D’Qar, the issue became a little more challenging. Rey knew that Mia was going to beg to play at the beach at every given opportunity, and while she could avoid getting in the water, buying a swimsuit was necessary. Rose, thankfully, agreed to tag along with her on her quest, leaving Mia with Poe and Finn for the afternoon so the two women could go shopping. In the end Rey ended up spending a lot of money on not a lot of fabric, and it made her cringe. Years of budgeting every penny and rarely having anything left over for frivolous things was something that was still ingrained into her, even though she was better off financially than she had ever been.

 

It wasn’t like she was super self conscious or embarrassed about her body- she knew was fit- but the thin white stretch marks that covered her stomach, thighs, and breasts were quite obvious and only made worse by the tan she had gotten since arriving in D’Qar. Still, she tried to not let it bother her as she sat on a folding chair at the beach, clad in a dark green bikini that Rose had insisted looked incredible on her.

 

“Rose, I feel like my entire ass is hanging out.” Rey had deadpanned when she tried it on, glancing over her shoulder to look at herself in the dressing room mirror, tugging on the bottoms in a futile effort to make them cover more.

 

“It’s cheeky, Rey, that’s the style right now and you’re rocking it. You’re a hot mom with abs and a tight ass, just own it. ” Rose said, reaching out from the place she was sitting to playfully smack Rey’s backside. Rey snorted, rolling her eyes at her friend. _Sure, hot mom with abs. Whatever you say_. Still, she didn’t fight Rose on it, and instead swallowed her doubts and bought the swimsuit.

 

Rey sighed, trying to take her mind off of how much skin she was showing, looking down to where Mia was digging away contently in the sand. The bright yellow polka dotted one piece and floppy sun hat looked adorable on her, and Rey couldn’t help but take out her phone to take a picture, getting the little girl’s attention so she could smile.

 

“Mommy, will you help me build a sand castle?” Mia asked, nose already pink from the late morning sun. They had only been there for an hour or so, deciding to spend some mother-daughter time at both of their favorite place. Though she didn’t like the water very much, Rey still loved looking at the ocean stretched out in front of her, bright blue and glittering in the sun. Rey smiled down at Mia, nodding.

 

“Of course, Monkey. Let me put some more sunscreen on your face first.” She said, pulling the bottle from her bag as Mia huffed, hating that she had to sit still while Rey slathered the cream on her face. She was a bit obsessive about making sure Mia didn’t burn in the intense sun, not wanting her fair skin to blister. With sunscreen applied, Rey crouched down and set about building the sand castle, which turned out lopsided and crumbling at best, but once it was finished Mia smiled proudly at it. It seemed like a split second later that Mia quirked her head, a curious expression on her face.

 

“Why do all of my friend’s have a daddy, but I don’t?” She asked, the question hitting Rey like a pile of bricks. Her mouth went dry as she gaped at her daughter, wondering where the question was coming from. Of course, she knew it would come up eventually, but she didn’t anticipate the three year old getting curious so soon.

 

“Sometimes...” She said slowly, chewing on her cheek as she searched for the best way to answer the question. “Most people have one mommy and one daddy. But, sometimes people have two mommies or two daddies, then other times they can have just one mommy or one daddy. That’s just how it is, and if anyone tries to tell you that it’s bad, I want you to let me know. You should never feel bad about just having me- or not having a dad, alright?”

  
When Rey finished her explanation, nerves heavy in her belly, Mia hummed as she pondered what she had just been told. Finally, she looked back up at her with wide green eyes. “Will I ever get a daddy, one day?”

 

Rey bit down on her lip, taking a deep breath as she reached out to stroke Mia’s round cheek. “I don’t know sweetheart, I don’t-”

 

“Ben!” Mia shouted, cutting Rey off as she shot up and took off running. Rey glanced over her shoulder quickly, eyes landing on the man walking down the beach flanked by Han and Leia. Rey got up quickly, following Mia who was hugging the man around his knees. Rey quickly scooped her up and away from Ben, setting the little girl on her hip.

 

“What have I told you about personal space, Amelia.” She said warningly, sending the girl a look before glancing to the trio that stood in front of them. “Sorry about her, Ben.” She said quickly, glancing up to the man. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing a pair of navy swim trunks. It was weird, seeing him wearing something other than all black or the tan coveralls they wore at the garage. Her eyes fell on his bare chest, roving over the defined muscles and dark trail of hair that disappeared down into his swim trunks. When she realized that she was staring at him she quickly lifted her eyes, hoping the blush that spread across her cheeks could be blamed on the heat. If he caught her staring, he didn't acknowledge it, instead giving her a simple shrug.

 

“I don’t mind.” He said. Rey nearly snorted. Everytime Mia had gotten within five feet of him previously he had looked like he was in front of a live bomb, so she knew he was lying. He had no idea how to interact with children, almost to the point where it was funny.

 

There was an awkward silence that settled over them as Rey hummed, looking down to her feet, digging her toes into the sand. Neither of them really knew what to say, and it only served to make Rey anxious.

 

“So,” Leia said mercifully, a small smile on her lips. “What brings you two to the beach today?”

 

Rey smiled, bouncing Mia on her hip slightly. That was something she could work with. “Just a little girl’s day. We like to do fun things on Saturdays, since I work all week and we only have a few hours after I get her from daycare before she has to go to sleep.”

 

“Mommy says that I get grumpy if I don’t sleep.” Mia explained, making Han and Leia chuckle. Rey rolled her eyes, tapping her daughter on the nose playfully.

 

“It’s because you _do_ get grumpy when you’re tired. You get that from me, baby.” She laughed, kissing the top of her head before setting Mia down.

 

“You should see Ben when he gets less than eight hours.” Han said, glancing up at his son. Ben rolled his eyes, choosing to keep his mouth shut. Rey chuckled, sending a playful look to him. She would be the first to say that Ben could be a total douchebag sometimes (most times), but overall she really didn’t think he was that terrible. He had a lot of walls up, that much she knew, but in the past week she had seen a different side of him. He was trying to be friendly- for what result she still wasn’t sure- but trying nonetheless. If she was honest with herself, she enjoyed picking at him, not that she would ever admit that to anyone.

 

“Ben? Grumpy? I never would have thought.” She teased, watching as a flash of irritation went across his features. Rey smirked, knowing that he was going to take the bait. He was too easy to mess with.

  
“Ha ha. You’re hilarious.” Ben said flatly, sarcasm dripping from his words. Rey set her hands on her hips, very ready to go back and forth with him.

 

“I know I am, thank you for-” She started, only to get cut off by Ben shoving her out of the way, taking off towards the surf as the sound of a piercing shriek that could only belong to a terrified child hit her ears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, cliffhanger! *dun dun dun* Come back Saturday to see what happens! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you liked it (and maybe even if you didn't) please drop a comment or review, I love hearing y'alls thoughts and feedback!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes freak accidents bring out true character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Early update because I'm going to be super busy all day tomorrow, so I wanted to get this too y'all before :) Hope you like it!

Rey’s blood ran cold when the sound of Mia’s scream hit her ears, and her heart nearly stopped when she turned to see the little girl up to her chest in the water, pain and terror etched on her face as she screamed. Rey watched, frozen in fear as a large wave rushed over her head, submerging her completely and knocking her off her feet in the blink of an eye. 

 

“Mia!” She screamed, hardly recognizing the sound of her own voice as she sprinted after Ben, running into the water, her own fear be damned. Her heart pounded erratically in her chest, terror wrapping it’s cold hands around her insides as she ran to her daughter. Even though it was only a few seconds that Mia was underwater, it felt like a whole lifetime to Rey. Ben reached Mia first, tugging her out of the water and into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest as as he looked her over making sure she was okay.   
  
“Cough it up, Mia, you’re okay now. That’s it, cough it all up.” Ben whispered, voice low and soothing as he firmly pat the little girl’s back until she vomited the ocean water she had swallowed. After that she let out a loud wail, the cry ringing out across the beach. 

 

“Mia, baby,” Rey sobbed as she finally reached them, practically crashing into Ben as she easily pulled her from his arms. He steadied her so she wouldn’t fall over, hands resting on her waist for a split second before letting go. Rey hardly noticed his touch as she held Mia tightly as she cried, wrapping her thin arms around her mother’s neck. Rey closed her eyes, letting her own tears fall as she shook from adrenaline and relief. She shushed Mia gently, rocking her back and forth like she had done when she was an infant. “You’re okay baby, mummy’s got you. It was just a little scare, you’re alright now.” 

 

She opened her eyes when she felt a hand gently touch her shoulder, and she turned to where Ben was standing behind them, deep brown eyes filled with worry as he pointed down to Mia’s foot. Rey inhaled sharply at the small, shallow gash on the sole of her small foot, blood dripping into the water. Ben quickly searched for the culprit of the cut, reaching into the water after a moment and pulling out a broken shell, wordlessly showing her the sharp edge that Mia had stepped on in way of explanation before throwing it back out into the ocean, far from where anyone could walk on it. 

 

“M-my foot, mommy.” Mia whimpered, pulling away with a tear stained face as her bottom lip trembled. Snot ran down from her nose as she sniffled, and Rey quickly cleaned it off with her hand, wiping it on her stomach to clean it off before smoothing Mia’s hair back. 

 

“I know, baby, I know. We’re going to go and bandage it right up. It was just a mean little shell that you stepped on, but Ben got rid of it. He threw it very, very far so that no one will ever step on it ever again.” She cooed, showering her face with kisses as she  walked on shaking legs out of the water. She felt the concerned eyes of the other beach goers on her as she walked to where their things were, gratefully accepting the towel Leia had grabbed from her bag so she could wrap Mia up in it as she sat down in her chair, setting Mia in her lap, cradling her like she did when she was an infant. Han and Leia stood to one side of her, worry evident on their faces. 

 

Rey fumbled through her beach bag with shaking hands, unable to really focus on what she was doing because of how shaken up she was. Every time she blinked she saw Mia going under the water again, over and over again and the anxiety made her want to throw up.  After a moment Ben wordlessly took the bag from her, squatting down in front of the chair, his knees brushing hers. 

 

“What do you need?” He asked softly, dark eyes gazing up into hers with a tenderness she had never seen from him before. 

 

“First aid kit, it’s just a small white box. There should be band aids and neosporin in there, and there’s a bottle of water in the bag too.” She said, voice shaking as she continued to hold Mia tightly, not wanting to let go for a single second. It didn’t take long for Ben to pull the box and bottle out, gently taking Mia’s foot in his large hand to pour water over the wound before drying it off with the edge of the towel. With quick and sure hands he bandaged the scrape, giving her toes a gentle squeeze before dropping the box back into the bag and setting it aside. 

 

“You okay, kid?” He asked, eyes focused on Mia. She had calmed down a little bit in the short amount of time, cuddled into her mother’s chest with one thumb in her mouth and the other hand clutching the fabric of Rey’s swimsuit top, bunching it up slightly. She regarded the man for a short moment before nodding, taking her thumb from her mouth to wipe her tears away. 

 

“I knew it,” Ben said with a small smile. “You’re pretty tough, Mia. I think I would still be crying if it had happened to me.” 

 

Mia giggled at that, looking up to Rey as the woman smiled, kissing her daughter’s forehead gently. “Hear that, baby? You’re tougher than Ben.” 

 

“A lot tougher.” Han agreed, watching the three interact with a small smile, his arm wrapped around Leia’s waist. 

 

Rey sighed, exhaustion hitting her as the adrenaline slowly left her system. “How about we go get some ice cream, do you think that would make your foot feel better, Monkey?” Rey asked, deciding that she had more than enough excitement for one day. Mia smiled brightly, nodding happily and temporarily forgetting about the incident at the promise of a treat. Rey knew that she and Mia would be having a long conversation about going into the water without a grown up later, but for now she was just thankful that her daughter was alright. She looked up to Han, Leia, and Ben. “Would you three like to join us?”    
  
Leia smiled, nodding in way of an answer. “That sounds lovely dear, we’ll help you clean up.”    
  
By ‘we’, Leia had meant Ben and Han, which left Rey and Leia standing off to the side coddling Mia while the two men picked up Mia’s sand toys and Rey’s beach chair. A challenge came when Mia refused to be put down so Rey could get her clothes back on, tears springing back into the little girl’s eyes at the thought of leaving her mother’s arms. Leia tried to take her, assuring that it would only be for a moment, but Mia refused, only getting more upset. Rey sighed, resigning herself to getting dressed with one hand, only for Ben to extend his arms to the little girl in a last ditch attempt of getting her to part from her mother. To Rey’s surprise she went willingly, clinging to the man and resting her head on his chest. 

  
Despite how awkward he had initially been with Mia - Rey knew that he had a habit of calling her a gremlin occasionally, a fact that she did  _ not _ like- she never would have guessed it with how he held her then. He seemed so sure of himself, holding her against his side as her legs clung to either side of his abdomen, her arms around his neck. She looked so small next to him, her light brown curls seeming even lighter next to his black hair and pale skin. The image tugged at something in Rey’s chest, and before she could think too much on it she set about tugging her clothes on over her swimsuit. Once she was dressed she took Mia back, seamlessly transitioning her from Ben’s arms to hers. She would dress Mia once she got to the car, and she told them as much, saying that they could meet each other at the ice cream shop. 

 

“I’ll help you carry your stuff.” Ben said, not giving Rey any room to protest before he was picking up all of her things and looking over his shoulder to his parents.

 

“Bring me my shirt when we get there?” He asked, and Leia nodded, a smile on her lips as she and Han turned and walked off hand in hand to the parking lot where their car was. 

 

The walk back to her car was silent, and Rey was thankful she had Ben to help her, it would have been impossible for her to carry everything and Mia. 

 

“Ben,” Rey said, turning to him once they had packed up the car and gotten Mia into her seat. She looked up at him, a flood of emotions washing over her as she struggled to find the words to say. Instead of saying anything, she simply threw her arms around his neck, toes just barely brushing the ground as she hugged him tightly. After a moment of hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her against him as she struggled not to cry again. 

 

“Thank you.” She said, pulling away to wipe away the stray tear that had escaped. “That could have ended very, very badly. If you hadn’t seen her, or if something had happened...” She said, squeezing his arm gently as she trailed off. 

 

“It wasn’t a big deal.” He said, shrugging it off as Rey rolled her eyes. 

 

“Yes, it is. You saved the life of the most precious thing to me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough.” She said, squeezing his arm one more time before walking around to the driver’s side as Ben got in the passenger’s seat. The drive to the ice cream parlor was quiet just like the walk to the car had been, with only the hum of the radio breaking the silence.

 

“How old is she?” Ben asked, glancing in the backseat to where Mia was fighting sleep, eyes drooping as her head lolled to the side. Every few seconds she would lift her head, desperately trying to stay awake. 

 

“Three and a half. Her birthday is in December.” Rey answered with a smile, wondering how the years had gotten away from her. Ben nodded, glancing over to her. 

 

“What about you?” He asked, and Rey raised an eyebrow up at him, seeing right through him. She had that question asked enough to know exactly what it meant. It was a way that people could dodge the actual question and still get the answer they wanted. 

 

“I got pregnant when I was nineteen, had her when I was twenty. I just turned twenty four in June.” She said, snorting silently when the tips of his ears turned red. “If you wanted to know, you could have just asked.” 

 

“Sorry.” he said sheepishly. She shrugged, not bothered by the question. 

 

“I don’t mind. When you’re young and have a child, people are going to be curious. Especially when the father isn’t in the picture- and he’s not, in case you were wondering.” She said, smirking in satisfaction when his ears went a shade darker. She chuckled to herself, knowing her assumption was correct. 

 

Deciding she had talked enough about herself, she turned the topic to him. 

 

“How old are you then? Any scandalous baby mamas I should know about?” She asked with a smile. He snorted, glancing down at her with his dark eyes. 

 

“I’m twenty nine, and no crazy baby mamas. If you want scandalous, look at my criminal record.” He said with a twinge of something that Rey couldn’t quite place her finger on. 

 

She remembered Poe telling her about Ben’s “tragic backstory” and wondered if that was what he was talking about. She wanted to push and ask what he meant, but she also knew how easily he put walls up and she didn’t want him to shut her out. Instead, she just hummed in acknowledgement. 

 

When they pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream parlor, Han and Leia were already there, a gray shirt in Han’s hand. She parked beside the couple, glancing into the backseat as Ben got out of the car, taking the shirt from Han. Rey wasn’t surprised to see that Mia had actually fallen asleep, her mouth hanging open slightly as she slumped in her car seat, exhausted from the earlier drama. Rey didn’t want to wake her up, deciding that a nap would probably serve the child better than ice cream would in the long run. That decided she turned back to Ben, who was pulling his shirt over his head. Rey took the opportunity to let her eyes wander over his chest, watching in fascination as the muscles in his abdomen moved and flexed with every little movement he made. She noticed for the first time that his abdomen was littered with faint scars of all shapes and sizes, with one notable one just above his right hip bone. She wondered absentmindedly what had happened for him to get so many scars, but she didn’t have long to think about it before he was pulling the shirt over his head and she had to avert her eyes so he wouldn’t catch her staring. 

 

“She’s asleep, and it’s probably best if she takes a nap. Raincheck on the ice cream?” She asked, hating that she invited them only to cancel. The family seemed to understand, giving her an understanding nod. 

 

“The kid’s had a rough day, let her sleep.” Han said. “You could probably use a nap, too. That’s scary shit, knowing your kid is in danger.” 

  
Rey nodded, wondering how many scares he and Leia had experienced with Ben. She didn’t think on it long before clearing her throat. 

 

“I’ll see you two on Monday.” She said, giving them a small smile before letting Ben close to door, not too forceful so that it wouldn’t wake Mia up. She could have sworn that he was watching her as she pulled out of the parking lot, but she simply shook the thought out of her day. 

 

She was still shaken about Mia’s accident, and it was screwing with her head. That was it, she told herself. Ben Solo would never give her a second look, anyways. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it (and maybe if you didn't) feel free to leave a review or comments, I really enjoy hearing what y'all have to say! Y'all's support means the world to me :) <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night out is planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for updates! Hope y'all enjoy!

“Clear your calendar, Rey Niima, you’re going out with us on Friday.” Poe declared as he came into the garage one morning with a thousand watt smile on his face. Rey snorted, zipping up her coveralls as she shook her head. 

 

“No, I’m not.” She said, going into Ben’s locker to steal an elastic for her hair. Poe chuckled, shutting the locker and using his arm to block her in so she couldn’t get away from the conversation. 

 

“Come on, you work too hard. You need to let loose a little.” Poe insisted, and Rey shook her head, ducking under his arm to go see what she had to do for the day. 

 

“The last time I let loose, I was impregnated.” 

 

Poe laughed then, following after her. “Finn, Rose, and I will be there to make sure that your eggs stay nice and unfertilized.” Rey wrinkled her nose at his awkward wording, wishing he could have phrased it in any of the billion different ways that were available in the English language. 

 

“Absolutely not.” She said, shooting his idea down instantly. She knew that going out on Friday nights with friends was what regular twenty four year olds did, have a few drinks, dance a little, maybe go home with a stranger. She had been there, done that, and had the unplanned pregnancy to prove it. She had no interest in a repeat of it either. 

 

“Oh, come on Rey! It’ll be fun.” Poe pleaded, and Rey rolled her eyes. 

 

“I can’t afford a babysitter.” She said, hoping that was enough to put him off. Of course, she wasn’t that lucky. 

 

“What about your neighbor? She likes Mia.” Poe countered, not letting her quit easily. 

 

“Maz? She’s like, seventy years old! I’m not asking a seventy year old woman to watch my daughter into the wee hours of the morning.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. 

 

“Not all night, sunshine, just a few hours. You put her to bed at seven thirty, we leave at eight thirty, hit the town, have dessert and a few drinks and we get you home by midnight, drunk and not pregnant. Less than four hours, and we’ll help with babysitting money.” He said, his plan laid out so flawlessly that Rey knew it had to be premeditated. She also knew that if it was premeditated, that there was nothing she could say that they hadn’t already planned on. 

 

“Fine, but I want tequila kept out of the equation.” She said as Poe whooped, throwing a triumphant fist in the air. Rey snorted, glancing over to where Ben sat in the driver’s seat of a car tinkering with the air conditioning. She had never seen him with anyone besides his family and he had never mentioned any other friends, and she wondered if he was ever invited to things. Part of her wanted to believe that of course he did, because everyone had people to spend time with, but another part reminded her that in all of her time in Jakku she hadn’t made a single friend. With that in mind she walked over to where he was, clearing her throat to get his attention. 

  
“Finn, Poe, Rose and I are going out for drinks Friday night,” She said, the words coming out before she could even properly think them through. “You should come with us.” 

 

Ben looked at her for a minute, his face reserved and guarded as usual. “I’ll think about it.” He said noncommittally after a minute before turning back to what he was doing. 

 

She knew that if she pushed it, he would probably just say no to piss her off, so she left it at that. Despite Ben saving Mia at what Rey had called, “the beach incident”, he still kept to himself at work and didn’t speak to her much. He confused her because of how hot and cold he was to her, and it seemed like his opinion of her changed with his mood. He was abrasive and harsh most of the time, but she had seen little glimpses of a different man that was gentle and kind, and she was going to be persistent in getting more of those moments out of him. Still, she didn’t get a response from him about going out until Friday during their lunch break when he came and sat outside on the back stoop next to Poe, wordlessly opening up the brown sack he brought his lunch in. Rey sent a glance to Poe, wondering where the sudden change had come from, but he seemed to be just as clueless as her. Usually Ben ate by himself in the garage or his car, choosing to spend the precious thirty minute break alone. 

 

The three ate their lunch in relative silence until Ben cleared his throat, setting his ham sandwich down. “So, tonight?” He said, looking over at the two of them with uncertainty in his voice. 

 

“You’re going to come with us?” Poe asked, eyes wide in surprise. Ben nodded slowly, and Rey couldn’t help but notice his hands nervously picking at the crust of his sandwich. 

 

“Yeah, why not.” He said with a shrug, and Poe laughed, whooping in victory. 

 

“Ben Solo, on the town!” He exclaimed, slapping him on the back once before Ben pushed him away, not wanting the physical touch. Poe ignored that and nodded, the plans already formulating in his head to adjust to Ben’s presence. “Alright, Finn and I were going to start early and pregame together then get a taxi to pick Rose and Rey up from Rey’s apartment at eight thirty. We’re taking a cab downtown so no one has to miss out on the fun, and we have to get Rey back by midnight so her carriage won’t turn into a pumpkin. You should come over to my apartment and ride with us, have some manly guy time before picking up the ladies.” 

  
Rey rolled her eyes at the little jab, casually throwing up her middle finger before opening up her cup of peaches. If Poe saw the rude gesture, he ignored it instead eagerly waiting for Ben to respond. 

 

“Alright, sounds fun.” 

 

At seven thirty on the dot that night Rey was sitting on the edge of Mia’s bed, reading a story to the little girl when she heard a knock on the door. Glancing up from the book she noticed that somewhere in  _ Peter Rabbit _ , Mia had graciously fallen asleep. Rey smiled at her sleeping daughter as she set the book down and smoothed her curly hair down, pressing a kiss to her forehead before slipping out of the room. She heard another knock as she gently closed Mia’s door behind her, rolling her eyes at Rose’s impatience before padding across the apartment. Rose stood on the other side, ready for the night with her hair curled and wearing a face full of makeup, a big bag on each arm. She looked Rey up and down, taking in the hole-filled socks and over stretched leggings, tutting softly. 

 

“Come on, we only have an hour to get you hot.” She said, stepping into the apartment, pushing her towards her room. 

 

“Hey! I take offense to that.” She countered, crossing her arms. She was very hot,  _ thank you very much.  _

 

“Okay we have an hour to take you from regular hot to going out hot, is that better?” Rose said as she rolled her eyes and tossed both of the bags onto her mattress. The first thing she pulled from the bag was two cans of beer, and Rose promptly shoved one in her hand as Rey stuck her tongue out at her. Rose only rolled her eyes and as pushed Rey into the bathroom with instructions to start her makeup and start drinking as Rose picked through her tiny wardrobe.    
  
The first few outfits that Rose had pieced together were very quickly vetoed. Rey wasn’t ashamed of her body by any means, but she still didn’t want for all of it to be on display. It was one thing to wear a bikini at the beach, but a whole other thing to have nothing left to the imagination in a bar. Finally, once she finished her makeup they settled on her nicest pair of shorts- meaning the pair with the least amount of rips and loose threads. She tugged them on, wondering if they had shrunk or if she was the one that had gotten bigger. Either way, they fit snugly, hugging her butt and thighs like a second skin. She twisted and turned in front her mirror as Rose watched on, an amused smirk on her face.

 

“Alright, Rey, now I brought some of my clothes just in case and I have the perfect top for you. I want you to try it on before you say anything, okay?” Rose said, her eyes glittering with hope. Rey tossed the idea around in her mind for a moment, wondering what exactly the top had to be like for her to have to promise to not make any initial judgements. Trying a top on wouldn’t hurt anything, and knowing that she still had the option to turn it down, she nodded in agreement. With an excited squeal Rose began digging through one of her bags, pulling out piece after piece of clothing before holding one in the air victoriously. She tossed it at her, urging her to try it on.    
  
After having Rose help her put it on and adjust it so it fit snugly (Rey had never worn something so complicated and begrudged the idea of having to take it off later) she looked in the mirror and immediately let her opinion be known. 

 

“No.” 

 

“Oh come on Rey! You look bangin’!” Rose said from behind her, her hair bouncing every which way as she moved. 

 

“Exactly, that is the opposite of how I want to look. There will be no ‘banging’ for me anytime soon.” She said with a huff, taking in her appearance in the mirror. She had to admit, the top that Rose had lent her was cute: it was white with blue and gray stripes that wrapped around her chest and tied behind her back, accentuating her natural, albeit small, curves. The problem with it, though, was how little it left to the imagination. Her stomach was left bared and the plunging V of the top left most of her chest exposed too. Not that there was much there, of course. She had been groped in seedy bars and at the garage in Jakku showing less skin, and that was something she very much did not want a repeat of. 

 

“I can’t wear a bra with this.” She stated. 

 

“Rey, it’s 2017, no one cares if you aren’t wearing a bra. And if some perv messes with you, you punch them in the nose.” Rose said, trying to comfort and persuade her into wearing the top.

 

“It’s just… really sexy. I’m a mother, and mothers don’t wear things like this. I don’t want people to think I’m some sort of harlot.” She said, tugging at the shirt in a futile effort to try and make it cover more. Rose snorted and rested her hip against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared up at Rey. 

“Who said that you have to be some matronly nun just because you have a kid? Yeah, it’s a small town and people will gossip, but trust me it won’t be about you. Do you know why?” Rose said, raising an eyebrow in a way that Rey knew she was expecting an answer. 

 

“Why?” Rey asked, worrying at her bottom lip as she glanced at herself in the mirror again. 

 

“Because everyone in this town knows you and Mia. They know that you work your ass off at the garage, you love your daughter more than anything on this earth and that you’re kind and stubborn enough to give Ben freaking Solo a run for his money. So if anyone sees you out tonight they’re going to think, ‘Hey, there’s Rey Niima out having a good time with her friends, good for her.’ Because they  _ know  _ that all you ever do is strive to provide for your family. I don’t know what people said to you back in Jakku, but here you can be a good mom and still do things for yourself. No one here is trying to put you in a box, so don’t do that to yourself.” 

 

Rey stayed silent for a long time, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her whole life people had been putting her into boxes of who she was. She knew she started out as someone’s child, because everyone does. Then somewhere along the way she became “that foster girl”, then she was “Plutt’s girl”, until she was “the pregnant girl”, and finally she was “the single mother”. Never in her life had she defined herself for what she was, and now the the idea was presented to her, she was terrified. Rose was right, though: when she left Jakku she had opened up opportunities not just to give Mia a better life, but a better one for herself as well. She wanted to be happy, and she had been the only one in D’Qar keeping her from it. For once, she could just be Rey Niima and that would be enough. 

 

“Alright,” Rey said, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. The heavy, dreadful feeling of uncertainty and insecurity still crept up inside of her, but she pushed it away. “I’ll wear it, and I’ll look sexy, and I’ll have a damn good time while doing it.” 

 

After her mini existential crisis, she let Rose style her hair into a wavy tousled sort of look before donning bright red lipstick and her only pair of wedges. She hardly recognized the woman in front of her when she looked in the mirror, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she looked good. Her legs were toned and the heels made it look like they went on for miles, and her makeup was soft but sultry, just enough to accentuate her natural features. 

 

Maz arrived to babysit at eight twenty, saying she wouldn’t accept any money but would graciously take the wifi password and full access to the fridge. Puzzled by the odd request but willing to do anything for the old woman, Rey wrote the password down on a slip of paper and offered the tiny old woman any food that she wanted, secretly hoping that she wouldn’t really take anything. Maz simply smiled and patted Rey’s hand before sitting down on her couch and pulling out a comically large tablet from her purse. 

  
At eight-thirty-four the front door of Rey’s apartment swung open and was immediately filled with Poe and Finn’s loud whooping and yelling, the two men already a little tipsy. 

 

“Shhh!” Rey shushed them, casting a glance back to Mia’s room. They chuckled, quieting down as they entered, Ben behind them in dark jeans and a white shirt, hands shoved into his pockets. 

 

“Damn Mama, ” Poe whistled, taking her hand so he could spin her around, getting a good look at her as she blushed. “So this is what you’ve been hiding under those coveralls.” 

 

“Poe!” She gasped as she slapped his chest, her face on fire as the rest of her friends laughed. It was playful flirting, she knew that, but the attention still made her squirm. It had been a very, very long time since anyone paid any attention to her like that. 

 

“I take the credit for it,” Rose said with a triumphant smile, tugging Rey from his grasp to kiss her cheek quickly. “But might I say that you three douchebags clean up nicely, too.” 

  
Rey laughed, quickly giving Finn a hug and then after a moment of hesitation, hugging Ben too. 

 

“You look great.” He said, voice just low enough so that only she could hear. She smiled, giving him a once over. 

 

“You’re not so bad, yourself.” She replied, feeling just a little prideful when the tips of his ears went red. 

 

“We all look hot,” Poe said, a dazzling smile on his face. “And I’m sure everyone else will think so, too. So let’s go, the night is young!” 

 

After triple checking that Maz had the correct phone number and had promised to call her if absolutely  _ anything  _ happened, Rey locked up her apartment and left her daughter with a babysitter for the first time in her entire life. The thought made her incredibly anxious, but she trusted Maz and it was only for a few hours and then she would be back.  _ You can be a mom and still be a normal person.  _ She told herself, taking a deep breath as they all crawled into the cab that was waiting at the curb. It was a tight fit, and she ended up squished in the middle between Finn and Ben, sandwiched almost comically between the two broad men. 

 

“Alright, so the mission for the night is to get Rey nice and drunk and show her some good old fashioned adult fun.” Poe said from the front seat as they started towards downtown where all of the bars were. Finn and Rose hooted and laughed in agreement while Ben simply smirked, glancing down at her. Rey rolled her eyes, hoping that they weren’t completely serious. Sure, having a drink or two was definitely in the cards for the night, but she had never danced on a bar or anything wild like that, and she wanted to keep it that way. She also knew that she had a three year old that would not understand the concept of a hangover and be up and ready to play by eight am. She wanted to play it safe for her own sake. 

 

Since it was still early they decided to start tame and go to one of the Italian restaurants in town for cannolis and a few glasses of wine. It was fun, just sitting and talking, able to say anything without fear of Mia hearing something inappropriate. They all loosened up with the alcohol- even Ben, who usually showed as little emotion as possible around people, was cracking smiles at their jokes. 

 

They teased Poe about his apparent dry spell- the man hadn’t been on a date in over six months- and Rey snorted into her wine. She hadn’t dated anyone in twenty four years, she wondered what reaction that would get from her friends. Instead of going the ‘I’ve never had a boyfriend’ route, she just jumped back into the conversation, making a comment about trying to date with a toddler, which sent the group into riotous laughter. 

 

When it got a little later they left the restaurant and headed to a bar, the hum of alcohol already seeping into her consciousness. She wasn’t drunk by any means, barely even buzzed, but she felt the pleasant warmth of alcohol settling in her belly. The bar was what she expected, lights dimmed as a twangy country song filled the air. It wasn’t incredibly loud or crowded and Finn took her and Rose by the hand, leading them to an empty high top table. While they secured the table Poe and Ben went to the bar, joining them a moment later with shot glasses and a bottle of vodka in hand. They all quickly grabbed one as Poe poured the shots, holding it up in the air to make a toast to the night. 

 

“To Rey!” Rose cheered. Rey couldn’t help but smile to herself, feeling the love from her friends even as they teased her.    
  


“To Rey!” Finn, Poe and Ben parroted, bringing all of their glasses to tap in the center before they all threw back the shot. Rey couldn’t help but cough as the alcohol ran down her throat, the burn only a little unpleasant as the warm feeling spread through her body. They took another and chatted for a while before Finn cleared his throat as he poured them another round.

 

“Alright, drinking game!” Finn declared as the rest of them groaned. “Never have I ever, first one to five shots loses!” 

 

Rey chuckled, knowing that this could go very bad, very fast. She was a lightweight in the first place and hadn’t drank anything since having Mia. Still, the game sounded fun and really, what was the worst thing that could happen?  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it (or didn't) feel free to leave a comment or review, I absolutely love reading them :)


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What could possibly go wrong?" 
> 
> Everything, Rey learns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for new chapters! For some reason I think y'all are going to love me and hate me after this... ;)

Rey woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a very fuzzy recollection of the night before. She groaned, mouth feeling like it had been stuffed with cotton as she stirred, stretching out her heavy limbs. She sighed with  relief when she felt her joints crack, but when her toes brushed something firm and hairy, her eyes shot open. 

  
She rolled over slowly, wondering who was in her bed and more importantly, how they got there. Her stomach turned with nerves, and it dropped completely when she saw Ben Solo in bed beside her, hair sticking every which way with his mouth hanging open. 

 

“Holy shit.” She groaned, throwing a hand over her mouth as she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before throwing up the contents of her stomach. She groaned into the toilet bowl, lamenting the choice to ever go out. Once she was done throwing up she sat back on her haunches, glancing down at what she was wearing. She was in her underwear and a large white shirt that fit her like a dress, hanging off of one shoulder. Her blood went cold, wondering what the hell had happened as her mind went to the worst case scenario. 

 

“We didn’t have sex.” 

 

She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Ben’s voice, raspy and thick from sleep. She turned to where he was standing in the doorway in just his boxer briefs, hair a tousled mess. (If it had been any other time, she would have laughed at the ridiculous puffin pattern on his underwear, but she was hungover and freaking out so it slipped her mind.) 

  
“What?” She said dumbly. Ben chuckled, leaning against the doorway. 

 

“We didn’t have sex.” He repeated. She nodded slowly, taking in their state of undress. 

 

“Did we do... anything?” She asked.  _ Please say no. I’m not going to be able to look Han and Leia in the face ever again if I gave their son a blowjob while I was too drunk to remember it. I don’t want to be known as ‘that girl’ again.  _

 

“What all do you remember?” Ben asked vaguely, and his indirect answer only made her more anxious. She bit her lip, thinking back to the night before. 

 

“Well, we were playing that stupid drinking game…” 

 

\----------

 

“Never have I ever…” Rose started, tapping her chin playfully as she thought. “Dropped my phone in the toilet!” 

 

Finn groaned, taking his shot as Poe laughed loudly, shouting, “Lame!” at Rose, obviously wanting some more scandalous that what she had provided. Finn went next, refilling his shot glass. 

 

“Never have I ever been arrested.” He said, and Rey snorted, taking her shot quickly as Ben took his as well. She shot him a curious look as he shrugged, and she didn’t bother to press what it was for. Hers technically hadn’t been anything bad, she once had gotten caught shoplifting from a gas station when she was fourteen- she had been so hungry she didn’t think there was any other option- but once she explained her reasoning to the officers they had let her go with pitious looks. A week later and she was out of the foster home she had been in, her foster mom sending glares at her as she left along with her precious stipend check. 

 

“Me next! It’s time to get you prudes blushing,” Poe declared with a devilish look that could only mean trouble. “Never have I ever hooked up with someone in a bar bathroom.” 

 

_ Ah, shit.  _ Rey thought, flushing as she picked up her shot glass, downing the alcohol. She bit her lip as she looked up to them, gauging their reactions. Poe and Rose were screaming with delight while Finn stared at her with a slack jaw, eyes wide. Ben on the other hand, was giving her an odd look that she couldn’t quite name. 

  
“Spill! We want all the details!” Rose demanded, and Rey shrugged, casting her eyes downward. Sure, drunken hookups weren’t uncommon, but her situation had been different and it wasn’t something she was necessarily proud of. 

 

“How do you think I got pregnant?” She said after a moment, yelling over the music from the bar. All four of them looked at her with shock then, eyes wide. She bit her lip, casting her eyes downward as she tried to not let shame take over. 

 

“Wait, so when you said the last time you let loose you got pregnant you really meant…” Poe said, brain connecting the dots from their conversation earlier in the week. Rey nodded, struggling to breathe as the room felt like it was getting smaller and smaller. She slid out of her chair, digging her nails into the palms of her hands. 

 

“I need air.” She said quickly before taking off towards the back door. The night was cool as she sat on the fire escape outside of the bar, the metal cold against her warm skin. In the low light she looked down to her stomach, the silvery stretch lines just barely visible on her stomach and peeking out from her top. She snorted bitterly, remembering what they had looked like while she was pregnant, which led her back to the night that got her into the whole mess. She sighed, pushing the memory away as she rested her cheek against the brick building, eyes closed as the breeze ruffled her hair. 

 

“Rey?” 

 

She opened her eyes when she heard her name, only to find Ben standing in front of her with a concerned look on his face. “Can I sit?” He asked, and she nodded, wordlessly scotting over to make room for him. He pulled a carton of cigarettes from his pocket, offering her one. She took it and set it between her lips, leaning forward so Ben could light it before taking a long drag. 

 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” She said as she blew the smoke out, watching as it disappeared into the night. Ben shrugged, lighting his own and taking a drag. 

 

“It isn’t something I do often.” He said, giving her a glance. “Are you okay? You bolted real fast in there.” 

  
She hummed, shrugging her shoulders and taking a drag to prolong her silence.

 

“You can say it.” She said after a minute, words slightly slurred from the vodka. Ben gave her a funny look, wondering what she meant. 

 

“Say what?” He asked, taking another drag from his cigarette. 

 

“I’m a hussy. That I can’t keep my legs shut. That I’m a good for nothing whore.” She answered with a snort, slumping against him to rest her head on his shoulder. He was warm and solid under her, and she couldn’t help but nuzzle closer to him. He smelled like deodorant and laundry detergent.  

 

“I don’t think any of that.” He said sincerely, and she could practically feel his voice rumbling under her cheek. 

 

“Maybe you should,” She said, self deprecation heavy in her words. “I fucked a stranger in a bar and got pregnant. He was long gone by the time I figured it out and wherever the hell he is now he has no idea that he has a child. But I was left with the evidence for everyone in Jakku to see. They said all sorts of things about me, to my face and behind my back. It’s better here, but people still give me looks. Do you know how embarrassing that can be? That everytime someone asks me where Mia’s father is, that I have to lie? That when my own  _ daughter  _ asks why she doesn’t have a dad when everyone else does, that I have to make up some bullshit excuse? One day she’s going to figure out that she was an accident, that she came from a drunken mistake, and then she’s going to hate me. That fucking terrifies me.” 

 

“It’s not all bad, Mia’s pretty cute.” Ben said with a shrug, and Rey snorted. He had missed the entire point of her speech. Typical man.

  
“You call her a gremlin behind my back.” She said, shooting him an accusatory look. He chuckled with a shrug, holding his hands up in surrender. 

 

“Guilty as charged.” He admitted before nudging her off of his shoulder so he could look down at her. “She’ll be alright though, because even if she was an accident, she’s got a good mom that loves her no matter what. That goes a long way for a kid, even if their dad isn’t around.” 

 

Rey snorted. “Easy for you to say, your parents are awesome.” 

  
Ben chuckled darkly, flicking the ashes off the end of his cigarette. “It’s actually not. They argued all the time when I was little and Han left when I was eight. He came back when I was fifteen, but things weren’t any better and he was gone again within six months. He and my mom didn’t get back together until I was like, twenty four. Fucks you up a lot, seeing your parents scream at each other, throwing shit and slamming doors. It’s part of the reason I’m such a fucking basket case now.” 

  
Rey’s eyebrows shot up at the new information. If he hadn’t told her, she would have assumed that Han and Leia had always had a perfect marriage. Rey cast her eyes down then, wiggling her toes in her wedges. 

 

“My parents abandoned me at a gas station when I was little.” She said, keeping her eyes down. “I don’t know what day I was actually born, or anything about where I come from. I was in the system for twelve years before I ran away and by that point I was close enough to eighteen that I guess they didn’t bother trying to find me. I guess that fucks you up a lot, too.” 

 

There was a long silence after she spoke where they just sat in each other’s presence, smoking and ruminating on their shitty childhoods. 

 

“We’re not so different, you and I.” Ben said, looking down at her. Rey looked up with a smile and bumped his shoulder with hers gently. She hadn’t noticed how close they were before, but in that moment their noses nearly brushed, and she could feel his breath fanning across her face. 

 

“No,” She said, her voice low. “I guess we’re not.”

 

Then they were kissing. 

  
She wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but she didn’t care as Ben’s full lips moved against hers, just barely chapped. She sighed into his mouth, twisting a hand in his hair to use as leverage as they kissed lazily on the fire escape. It was messy and clumsy and very obvious that they were drunk and out of practice, but despite that Rey couldn’t help but feel butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he rested a hand on her cheek. His thumb brushed over her jaw, the light touch coaxing her mouth open. She felt his tongue just barely brush hers, and the feeling pulled a low groan from her that only served to spur him on. It was sweet and slow and hot and a million other things, and she wished she could pause that moment and keep it for forever. 

 

His hands eventually moved to rest on her hips, using his grip to pull her into his lap, giving her better access to his hair.  _ God, it’s so soft.  _

 

“Thank you?” Ben chuckled, and Rey flushed. She had accidentally said that out loud. She didn’t allow herself to dwell on it long, distracted by the feel of Ben’s mouth against hers, his thumbs rubbing circles into the bare skin just above the waist of her shorts. 

 

The position they were in was awkward, with his back digging into the metal step above them and her knees digging into the edge of the step Ben was sitting on. Eventually she got a cramp in her hip, and she hissed as she she shifted around to get in a more comfortable position, trying her best to keep her lips on Ben’s. He hummed against her mouth as she did, one hand sliding down to grasp at her ass, helping her move and adjust. She went warm all over at the touch, nipping at Ben’s lip to show her approval.

 

She went completely still when she shifted too far forward and pulled the loudest, hottest, most obscene moan she had ever heard in her life from Ben’s lips. It was a sound she thought she would never hear and would most likely never forget, and she pulled away from the kiss as he panted against her mouth, eyes blown wide with lust. 

 

“We need to stop.” She said suddenly, pulling her hands from his hair to rest on his shoulders. “I- I can’t do this.” 

  
She was out of his lap quicker than should have been possible with how drunk she was, straightening her top and wiping her mouth, wondering just how messed up her lipstick was. She sighed and turned to go down the fire escape, deciding that she needed to go to the bathroom to make sure she didn’t look completely wrecked before going back to join the others. 

 

“Rey wait-” Ben said, catching her wrist to stop her from going away. She pulled her hand away, biting on her lip. 

 

“We can talk about this later but just… not right now.” She said before turning and running down the fire escape and back into the bar, because running was all she knew how to do. 

 

\---------------

 

“I don’t remember anything after leaving the bar.” She said, face flushed. She hadn’t explicitly mentioned the kiss in her retelling of the night before, but she didn’t lie and pretend like she couldn’t remember it at all. Ben nodded slowly, staring down at the floor as he scratched his neck. 

 

“You got pretty fucked up last night.” He said, filling in the blanks for her. “We went to a club after leaving the bar because Rose wanted to dance, you had a few more drinks and then we brought you home at midnight when we said we would. We were all scared you that would choke on your own vomit or something, so I stayed to make sure you’d be okay. You took your clothes off before I could stop you and I didn’t know where your shirts were so I just gave you mine, and you told me you didn’t want me to wear my jeans because they were too rough. There was no sex, no anything... nothing happened.” 

 

Rey groaned in relief that she hadn’t slept with Ben, stomach rolling again as she knelt to vomit again. “Did you see my boobs?” She asked as Ben stepped behind her to gather her hair, holding it back so she could finish. She felt his grip on her hair tighten, and she knew that was answer enough. 

  
“I-I uh, yes, I mean… you weren’t wearing a bra and I didn’t-” He stammered awkwardly, and she was glad that she wasn’t looking at his face. 

 

“Whatever, it’s not like there was much to see anyways.” She said flatly, trying to hide her embarrassment with nonchalance. “I’m just an idiot.”

 

“No, you’re not. You just don’t know how to hold your alcohol.” He said, leaning forward to flush the toilet as she rested her cheek against the cool toilet seat. She snorted humorlessly, lifting her head to look up at him. She knew she probably should talk about the night before. He had bared something about his past to her- something she knew did not happen often or to just anyone- and then they had made out like they had been doing it for years. It probably would be smart to at least clear the air and figure out what the hell had happened between them. But Rey hated confronting people, and her own feelings even more so. 

 

“You should probably leave before Mia wakes up.” She said, clearing her throat. She watched as his face fell a little bit, his expression so readable when he was tired and his guard was down. Rey bit her lip, nervously fidgeting with the edge of her top. “You know… just so she won’t ask questions or anything.” 

 

Ben looked at her for a long moment, a mixture of disappointment and anger flickering across his harsh features. She could practically see his walls going up again right in front of her eyes, and she wished she could go back and change everything she said, but he was already speaking before she had the chance. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want for anyone to think anything, would we?” He said bitterly, malice dripping from his words as he turned and stalked out of the bathroom. She stayed sitting on the bathroom floor, watching his back retreat as he left the apartment not a minute later, still shirtless and with his shoes in hand as he closed the door roughly behind him. 

 

Rey closed her eyes and rubbed her temples slowly, trying to dispel the pounding headache that had formed. She had been making so much progress with Ben, getting him to open up to her, and she just had to go and mess it all up in one fell swoop.    
  
She had lost him, and it was all her fault. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, looks like our favorite emotionally stunted idiots have some things they need to work out... 
> 
> Thanks for reading, if you liked it feel free to leave a comment or review letting me know what you think!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben struggles with his feelings. Han tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I wish I had something cute and fluffy to give you this chapter, but unfortunately, it's just angst and confused feelings. Hope you like it!

When Ben walked into his house he expected no one to be awake, and was thankful for it. He wanted to keep what was left of his dignity, even if there was only a shred of it. His head was pounding and his chest ached in a way that made him uncomfortable, hands shaking from unvented emotions and the morning chill. His ego was bruised, walking all the way home without a shirt on, but he wasn’t about to ask Rey to change after she had shut him down so quickly. 

 

He didn’t know what to expect from Rey that morning after their kiss from the night before, but she had made it very clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. If anything, she was embarrassed by what had happened between them. But why wouldn’t she be? He was just a hot headed, almost-thirty year old with a shady past who still lived with his parents. Hell, he wouldn’t be interested in him if he were her. 

 

All he wanted to do was take a long shower and crawl into bed and sleep off the hangover and regret. 

 

“Benjamin Lucas Solo!” His mother’s voice came the second he walked in the door, and he winced at her sharp tone. He hadn’t gotten the full name since he was a teenager, and time had done nothing to make it less terrifying. He glanced up to where she was sitting on the couch, a pillow and blanket spread across it from where she had been sleeping. 

 

“Did you sleep out here?” He asked. Usually it was his father that took the couch after a fight. Leia huffed, getting up and marching over to where he was, fire in her eyes. 

 

“Yes, I did. I waited up half the night for you.” She said. “You said you would be home by midnight, and then you never came home! No text, no calls, nothing! I was one second away from calling the police before your father talked me down… and where the hell is your shirt?” 

 

Ben groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s a long story. Rey-” 

 

Leia gasped, eyes wide as she made assumptions. “Oh my, well, at least tell me you were careful-” 

 

“What? No, Jesus Christ, I didn’t... Please just let me finish before you start pulling things from thin air!” He said, already exasperated with the conversation. The older woman raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for him to continue. 

 

“Rey didn’t pace herself and got really drunk, so when we dropped her off we wanted to make sure she didn’t get sick and die or something. I volunteered to stay the night because Poe had to take care of his dog and Finn and Rose were going home together. I gave her my shirt because she took all of her clothes off and I didn’t want to dig through her drawers to find something.” He explained, blushing at the memory. 

 

He had carried Rey into her apartment from the cab and sent her off to her room while he thanked Maz for babysitting, peering into Mia’s room to make sure she was okay. The little girl was fast asleep, a raggedy stuffed animal tucked under one arm. After that Ben had gone into Rey’s room, only to find her standing in the middle of it in just a tiny, light blue pair of underwear. 

 

“‘M tired, Ben.” She said, throwing herself down on the bed. His whole body felt warm as he closed his eyes, tugging his shirt off and throwing it in her direction, telling her to cover up. At that point, though, it was already too late and the image of her bared from the waist up was already seared into his mind. A million thoughts he shouldn’t have had flickered through his brain, and he took a deep breath, praying that she didn’t notice his body’s reaction to her.

 

“I’m just going to go sleep on the couch.” He said, keeping his eyes shut as he turned to stumble out of the room. 

 

“Noooooo.” She protested, and he chanced a peek over his shoulder, thankful that she had put the shirt on (which led to the different issue of how damn good she looked in his clothes.) “Stay with me.” She insisted, patting the spot beside her. Ben chewed on his lip, knowing that it wouldn’t be smart, but deciding to do it anyways. 

 

“Alright.” He said, toeing off his shoes and walking around the bed to get in on the other side. Rey gave him a goofy, drunken smile and snuggled up next to him, frowning after a moment. 

 

“Your pants are scratchy, take ‘em off.” She said, reaching for his belt. He yelped, jumping away from her as she giggled at his reaction.  _ She’s going to be the death of me.  _ He thought, heart pounding. 

 

“I’ll take them off,” He said slowly, looking her in the eye as he spoke so she’d understand. “But Rey, you _ can’t _ touch me. Okay?” 

  
She grinned happily and nodded, laying back down and keeping her eyes on him. He looked away from her as he unbuckled his pants and slid his jeans down his long legs, kicking them off of the bed before settling down, laying stiffly beside Rey. She was already snoring softly, mouth hanging open as she clung to her pillow. His shirt had ridden up, revealing the smooth, tan expanse of her stomach and he swallowed thickly, quickly pulling up the blankets to cover her. 

 

_ Yeah,  _ He thought with a sigh as he turned over onto his stomach, trying to get comfortable.  _ She’s going to kill me.  _

 

“So you didn’t sleep with her?” Leia asked, pulling him from his memory. He shook his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets. His mother hummed, a mischievous look on her face. “Well she is a pretty girl, so if you ever get the chance…” 

 

“Mother!” He exclaimed, jaw dropping at her insinuation as she laughed. 

 

“I’m kidding!” She assured him, chuckling for another moment before giving him a serious look. “Let me know next time if you aren’t going to be coming home. I worry, you know. I always think that my phone is going to ring and it’s going to be a bad call…”

 

Ben sighed, knowing exactly what she was talking about. “You’re not going to get a call, that bullshit is over. You have no reason to worry.” 

 

“A mother never forgets, dear.” Leia said, eyes soft as she reached up and gently cupped his cheek with her hand. He wanted to pull away, uncomfortable with the affection, but he knew he had put his mother through hell the night before. He owed her this, if nothing else.    
  
After a moment when he started to squirm Leia pulled her hand away, patting him on the arm. “Go get some sleep, Ben. You look like hell.” 

  
He woke up mid afternoon with a dry mouth and a grumbling stomach, and after dragging himself out of bed and into the shower, scrubbing off his regret from the night before, he padded into the kitchen in search of food. 

 

“Your mother told me what happened, but part of me thinks you didn’t tell her everything.” Han said when he entered, sitting at the table eating a ham sandwich. There was another one that sat on a plate at the place beside him, and Han gestured to it. “Sit down, talk to me.” 

 

Ben snorted. The last time they had a feelings talk it had ended in disaster- and with Ben being forced into a family day. He wished he could avoid both, but something told him that it wasn’t going to be possible. Still, he was hungry and would never turn down pre-made food. He ate the sandwich quickly, avoiding eye contact with his dad, trying to prolong the inevitable as long as possible. He wanted to get up and go back to his room, outright refuse to hash things out, but he knew better. He needed to work on processing his emotions and verbalizing them in a healthy way. At least,  that was what his therapist told him. 

 

“You’re stalling.” Han said bluntly when Ben reached for an apple from the bowl in the middle of the table, taking a big bite from it. 

 

“Nu-uh.” He said, sounding like a child with his mouth full. Han rolled his eyes and leaned back precariously on the back two legs of his chair in a way that exuded charisma. Sometimes Ben was jealous of his father in that regard. Whenever he tried to act cool like that, he ended up just looking like an idiot. 

 

“What happened last night?” Han asked again, and Ben groaned, knowing that he had pushed it off long enough.    
  
He had two options: tell the truth and face the inevitable onslaught of messy emotions he didn’t want to face or lie to his father and delay the inevitable. The truth would come out eventually, and he knew it. 

 

“Rey and I… kissed.” He admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. He watched as his father’s eyebrows shot up at the information, obviously surprised. 

 

“Just kissed?” He pressed, and Ben shot him a glare. 

  
“Stop prying, you old gossip. We kissed and that’s all you need to know. I swear you’re worse than Maz and the ladies in her knitting circle.” He said sharply, pulling a laugh from the older man, who held his hands up in surrender. 

 

“Fine, I’ll take what you give me. So you kissed. And?” He prompted, waiting for Ben to continue. He exhaled loudly, pulling a hand through his hair as he tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling. 

 

“I just get so pissed off-” 

 

“Wrong word.” Han said, and Ben snapped his head up to glare at his father. Damn him and his ability to remember what the therapist had told him. He wasn’t allowed to use angry adjectives for feelings he didn’t know how to articulate. It made him feel like a child when his father corrected him, which only proved to annoy him more. 

 

“I get so  _ confused, _ ” He said pointedly, watching as Han grinned in satisfaction and nodded for him to go on. “Rey is just… I don’t know. This light? And she shines so damn bright it hurts to look at her sometimes and I want to be happy when I’m around her and  _ God  _ she’s just  _ so gorgeous,  _ too. Like, have you even seen her? Her eyes crinkle when she smiles and she’s so tiny but doesn’t let it get in the way of showing everyone she can kick their ass. She makes me feel warm and I want to be a better man when I’m around her and I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I don’t know what it all means.” He rambled, watching as a shit eating grin spread across his father’s face. 

  
“Ben,” Han said with a chuckle. “You have a crush.” 

 

Ben wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. “That’s so juvenile. I’m almost thirty, not twelve. I don’t have a  _ crush. _ ” 

 

Han shrugged, leaning back forward in his chair. “Call it whatever you want, but if it looks, sounds, and walks like a duck: it’s a duck.” 

 

The analogy was stupid, and Ben huffed, shoulders slumping. “It doesn’t matter what I feel though. She made it very clear this morning that she doesn’t want anything to do with me.” 

 

“Explain.”

 

“Well last night she totally freaked out, basically ran away after we kissed and then didn’t say another word to me the rest of the night. She said we could talk about it later, but when I wanted to bring it up this morning she said that I needed to leave. She said she didn’t want Mia waking up and asking questions.” He said, feeling the familiar tension building in between his shoulder blades as he spoke. He didn’t want to talk about it. He was ready to shut down and forget it all had happened, but he knew Han wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. 

 

“I’m so angry-” He yelled, hands balling up into fists as he felt the urge to break something, anything to make him not feel the way he was. 

 

“Ben, stop and take a deep breath. If she said something that hurt you, it’s okay to say it. You’re allowed to feel let down and upset, especially by someone that you care about.” Han said slowly, moving anything within arms reach away from him, knowing the signs of a mood swing all too well. 

 

The words hit Ben hard, and he bit down on his lip hard, burying his head in his hands to keep his father from seeing the tears that were threatening to fall. He felt a hand touch his shoulder, and he jerked away instinctively, looking up at Han. 

 

“Having feelings for people sucks.” He said, wiping at his eyes quickly. “I guess I’m not surprised she turned me away. I’m just some pissed off asshole. She’d never give me the time of day.” 

 

Han chuckled, shaking his head. “I don’t think she thinks that. Look at it from her perspective. She was freaking out after last night, and she’s not perfect with feelings either. Honestly, she’s just about as emotionally constipated as you are. You get angry when you don’t know how to handle something, and she shuts people out.”

 

“Then what do you think I should do?” He asked, heart tightening in his chest. There was no chance she had feelings for him… was there? 

 

“I think you two need to sit down and be honest with each other. Put your shitty baggage on the table and go from there, if you want anything to happen between the two of you. If you keep dancing around each other things are never going to go well.” Han said honestly, and Ben sighed, chewing on his lip. 

 

Talking about his feelings? Gross. 

  
Talking about his feeling with the woman he had said feelings for? Terrifying. 

 

Still, maybe the older man was onto something. Ben nodded once, looking up to his father again.

 

“Alright, talking with her… I can do that.” He said, and Han smiled, patting him on the shoulder. 

 

“Good,” He said, patting him once more. “I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you, son.” 

 

Ben inhaled slowly, a warm feeling spreading across his insides at the words. They were words he didn’t hear a lot growing up, and surprisingly something he still wanted to hear, though he would never admit it. He gave him a nod in response and Han started off towards the door of the kitchen. 

 

“Hey,” Ben said, turning in his chair as Han stopped and glanced over his shoulder. “Thanks, for listening. And for the advice, dad.” 

 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually called him that. It had been years, maybe even since he left when he was young. Either way, it had been a very long time and both of them knew it. Ben watched as his father smiled, just a quirk of the right side of his mouth, and he could have sworn his eyes looked a little glossy as he turned and walked out without another word. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it (or if you didn't!) feel free to leave a review or comment, I love hearing what you guys have to say. Until next time!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pasts are revealed, revelations are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, dun! Here it is, I hope y'all are ready for a good ol' Tragic Backstory! I'm going out of town this weekend and wouldn't be able to update on Saturday, so here's a super early update! I hope y'all like it!

When she was twelve, there was a boy in Rey’s class that she thought was more handsome than anyone else in the seventh grade. His name was Tommy, and he sat two seats forward and one to the left from Rey in their earth science class. Her seat was the perfect place to look at him without getting caught staring, because if anyone accused her of it she could just say she was looking at the dingy whiteboard at the front of the room. Tommy was her first crush, sweet and innocent, and he was basically the only thing she talked about with the other girls at the group home she was in at the time. 

 

She couldn’t believe her luck when he asked her to go for a walk around the baseball field after school one day, and she was practically shaking with excitement as he took her hand and ducked into one of the dugouts, away from where anyone could see them. 

 

He thought she was pretty. He had to, or else he wouldn’t have asked her. He  _ liked  _ her! She, Rey Niima, had been asked out by a boy. For once someone had seen past her hand-me-down clothes and orphan status, choosing to see her as a person rather than the plague. 

 

He kissed her, pushing up on his toes because he had yet to hit his growth spurt and she was three inches taller than him. Rey’s heart soared at the simple brush of lips against hers.  _ Her first kiss!  _

  
She felt like the luckiest girl alive. 

“Ewwww! Tommy kissed Rey the Rat!” A voice sneered, and she pulled away from Tommy, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. They were no longer alone in the dugout, instead surrounded by a group of Tommy’s friends, mean scowls on their faces. 

 

“It was just a dare, you douche!” Tommy defended, wiping his mouth as he stepped away from her to shove his friend, taking the five dollar bill from his palm. Rey felt her heart crack as she watched him, arms limp by her sides. 

 

“Really?” She asked, voice small. Tommy at least had the decency to blush, shrugging.    
  
“Sorry.” He said, voice not very apologetic as he and his friends filed out of the dugout, making sure to kick dirt on her already disgusting sneakers as they went. 

 

She stood there for a long time after their laughs and jeers faded away, hot tears burning her eyes as she cried. Why had he done something so cruel? Taking her first kiss, making her feel wanted, all for five dollars? She didn’t understand, and she didn’t want to. 

 

All she knew was that she had put her heart out on the line, only for it to be crushed and brushed aside like it was nothing. 

  
Like  _ she _ was nothing. 

  
  


\---------

 

Rey was a coward. A pathetic little coward. 

 

She called in sick on Monday morning, telling Han that she had a stomach bug and couldn’t come in. She knew that he saw right through her lie, and she wondered just how much Ben had told him about what had happened over the weekend. 

 

Ben. 

 

She couldn’t face him, not when she had messed up so bad. She felt like a piece of shit, going back and forth with him for so long- teasing and shamelessly flirting (because though she wanted to deny that as well, she knew that what she was doing was toeing the line, yet she did nothing to stop it) until things got too serious and she got scared. 

 

She wasn’t good with emotions. For her whole life, she had kept men an arm’s length away, never letting anyone get too close. She had never dated - everyone in Jakku knew she was a basket case that could work her way around an engine better than she could a conversation, and for that reason most guys stayed away from her. Any man that showed interest in her was just so they could get laid, and Rey didn’t mind. She was a confused, lonely, touch starved teenager/young adult and she took the attention anywhere she could get it from. Was it healthy- mentally or otherwise? No, but she was long past any healthy coping mechanism. When the suffocating loneliness or longing for affection came, she found any guy willing to take her to bed and make her forget whatever she was feeling. Then she had a baby and no one was interested in her for sex, either. 

 

That was why Ben scared her. He bought her breakfast and took her teasing, along with her stubbornness and fierce independence. He started sitting with her and Poe during their lunch breaks and hanging out with her friends. He comforted her and told her that she was worth more than she thought. He kissed her like she was the most precious thing he had ever had the privilege of touching. He never turned her daughter away, even though it made him uncomfortable. 

 

He was different than Finn and Poe, because they welcomed her in with open arms. She was just a friend, someone they could treat like a sister. They cared for her and she knew that, but they also cared for everyone else in the same way. 

 

For all of the good things Ben had done for her, it seemed like it was the first time he had ever done it. It was like he was trying to become a new man when he was around her, and she didn’t know how to handle that. 

 

She didn’t want to trust him, only to have it all fall apart. 

 

S0 she hid, because that was all she knew how to do. 

 

\--------------

 

Unable to delay the inevitable any longer, Tuesday morning Rey went into work trying to hold onto the last scrap of her dignity. She didn’t want to face Ben and no one was going to force them into speaking. She could just do her work and that would be that.

 

“Feeling better, Rey?” Han asked, and Rey nodded, keeping her eyes down as she opened up her locker. “Good! I was hoping you would say that.” Han said, pushing her locker closed and gently pushing her towards the front door of the garage. 

 

“What?” She asked, wondering what was going on. 

 

“I bought a tool cart from a guy and I need someone to go pick it up. I would go, but Poe needs help with a transmission and I already told him I would give him a hand. So you and Ben are going to go get it.” He said, clapping her on the shoulder. Rey’s mouth went dry as she opened her mouth to reply, begging him to let her stay, but he shook his head. “No ifs, ands, or buts. Ben’s already in the Falcon, don’t keep him waiting.” 

 

With that he gave her the final nudge out the door and Rey huffed, nerves coiled tightly in her belly as she trudged towards the idling truck, very much dreading what her day had become. She climbed into the truck, not bothering to acknowledge Ben as he shifted gears and took off. 

 

Neither of them spoke for the first half hour of the drive, and Rey kept her gaze firmly out of the window. The highway zipped by right in front of her eyes, yellowing fields darting by endlessly. Summer was finally starting to fade into fall, even though the heat was still unbearable most of the time. Still, it was almost peaceful… but not really. The tension in the small cab of the Falcon was palpable, so thick she could have cut it with a knife. He must have been angry with her, because why wouldn’t he be? He didn’t want to be around her just as much as she didn’t want to be around him. 

 

Finally, when the awkwardness got to be too much, Ben cleared his throat and Rey’s heart jumped in fear. “Rey-”    
  
“Do you want to have sex with me?” She asked boldly, finally turning to look at him. He blanched at her question, eyes going wide as he turned to look at her. She took a deep breath to steel her nerves before continuing before he could interject. “Because if you do, that’s okay with me. We can do it right now, we’re on backroads, you could just pull over or something.” 

 

Ben stammered for a moment, tripping over his words until he finally shook his head frantically as his face hardened. “What the hell, Rey? No, I’m not- Christ, I was  _ conceived  _ in this car, I’m not- why the hell would you even- no. No.” 

 

“No?” She asked, feeling a little dejected. Wasn’t that what he wanted? Ben shook his head again, practically glaring at her. She shrunk down in her seat, suddenly embarrassed of herself. 

 

“No.” He said firmly, turning to lock his eyes back on the road, the tips of his ears tinged red. Another silence settled over the car, even more awkward than the one before it had been. Rey curled in on herself, turning back to look out the window. Now she really did look like a desperate hussy. 

 

“Is that all I am to you?” He asked after a moment, voice sharp. “A quick fuck?” 

 

“Is that not what I am to you?” She shot back. She could see his temper rising, that if she wasn’t careful he would explode, but somehow she thought that would be easier to handle than anything else. 

 

“No, actually, it’s not. I don’t sleep with people just because I don’t have anything better to do.” He said, words sharp and meaning to hurt. They hit their mark, and sure enough Rey couldn’t stop the tears that sprung up in her eyes, and she turned away so that he couldn’t see. He had lied to her. He had told her that he didn’t think she was a whore or easy, but yet here he was not four days later saying the same thing. Somehow, that stung worse than the words themselves. 

 

She wanted to kick herself when a little squeak of a sob escaped her lips, and she bit down on her palm, hoping that Ben hadn’t heard her. She didn’t want to let him know that his words had gotten to her. 

 

“Shit, Rey, I didn’t-” Ben sighed, and Rey dug her nails into her palm. 

 

“Fuck you, Ben.” She said, voice low and cold. 

 

“Rey-” He said, voice soft as his hand brushed her shoulder. She slapped it away, the sound sharp as a knife as it filled the cab. 

 

“Don’t touch me.” She said, keeping her eyes out of the window. “You’re such an asshole. I don’t know what happened to you to make you like this, but I can’t handle it. You don’t get to be kind to me one minute and a dick the next. Fucking pick one.” 

 

“Well you’re not exactly easy to read either, sweetheart.” Ben said with a humorless chuckle, the pet name sounding anything but loving coming from his mouth. A beat passed, trees still zipping by across Rey’s vision, more of a blur than anything else. “Do you really want to know why I’m such an asshole?” 

 

She was silent. She wasn’t going to dignify him with an answer. She heard him sigh and shift in his seat. 

 

“Fine, you asked for it.” He said bitterly. She really hadn’t, though, but she wasn’t going to point it out. 

 

“You know that my dad was gone for most of my childhood, and my mom threw herself into her work to try and make everything okay. She tried to be a good mom, but she wasn’t around enough and I was an awkward kid anyways. Other kids beat the shit out of me starting in middle school, because I was the loser kid who didn’t have a dad or friends. I bottled it all up, and the day I turned eighteen I woke up before my mom, walked out of the house, and didn’t turn back.” He started, and Rey tucked her legs up into the seat, resting her chin on top of her knees as he continued. 

 

“I got mixed in with the wrong people, but I didn’t really know it at the time. I saw people that actually gave a shit about me, told me I was worth something. This guy, Snoke, said he saw potential in me. Really all he saw was some young, hurt, impressionable runaway with anger problems and daddy issues, so he took me in and manipulated me. Snoke ran a crime ring, and a damn big one at that. Drugs, guns, human trafficking, fight clubs, you name it, he had it. I had so many emotions that I needed to do something with, so Snoke kept me pissed off and high, and when I was like that I would just beat the shit out of whoever they put in front of me. He bulked me up on steroids and I became his cash cow fighter. Really I was just some scared kid that was really hurt and broken because my parents weren’t there for me, I didn’t have any friends and wasn’t going anywhere in life. Snoke made sure that I didn’t know how to process emotions though. He wanted me to just be angry.

 

I fought for Snoke for six years- almost seven- and then he put me in the ring with a girl. She was probably nineteen, dirty and way too thin, scared as hell. Probably one of the girls that was trafficked, most of them were runaways too and didn’t have anyone looking for them so they were easy to trap. Anyways, he wanted me to beat her so he could film it, because apparently there’s a market for that, some sick fucks get off to it. I told him no, and he didn’t like that. He let me go, but the next fight I went to he put me in the ring with seven other guys as punishment, and they didn’t hold back. The fight was uneven and I lost- the only one I ever lost- and after they left me for dead in some alley. They should have had someone come finish the job, because people don’t just get out of the First Order, it’s a lifetime sentence. Luckily, some lackey idiot must have thought I was good enough half dead on the ground, and someone found me later and took me to the hospital. I ratted Snoke out, and thanks to my tip they shut a lot of his shit down, and I didn’t have any charges pressed against me. I didn’t have anywhere else to go after, all I had was an unfinished high school diploma and raging mood swings, so I came home. My parents were fixing their marriage, and after ghosting them for nearly seven years, they were just glad to have me back. I go to therapy pretty regularly, to try and straighten my head out. So yeah, that’s why I’m such an asshole. I was emotionally stunted, thrown into a fight club and was brainwashed into getting pissed as a default for any emotion. What’s your excuse?” 

 

Rey pressed her lips together, head swimming with everything he had just told her. The story was crazy, like one you see on TV specials or in the newspaper, not something that would happen to anyone you know personally. Still, here she was. That explained everything: all of the scars, the mood swings, why Han and Leia seemed so careful around him. Ben took her silence as an excuse to keep going, and Rey really wished he had stopped. Things would have been so much easier if he had stopped. 

 

“I’m always an asshole because I don’t know how not to be. It’s been five years and I’ve gotten a lot better with articulating feelings, like when I’m surprised or upset or frustrated. Those I can identify pretty well. The things I feel for you though, I’ve never felt them before and I have no idea how to handle it. So whenever you do anything I just get pissed because I don’t know how else to feel, but I know it’s wrong.  You’re completely new territory for me, Rey, and I’m trying really hard to navigate it.” He said, and with that Rey finally looked at him, heart pounding in her chest. 

 

“You don’t mean that.” She said, mouth dry around her words. He shook his head, sparing her a little glance before looking ahead again. 

 

“Yeah, I do.” He said. “I’m not good with words, but I know that I feel something for you, something that goes deeper than just wanting to sleep with you.” 

  
Rey chewed on her bottom lip, hands fidgeting with the edge of her t-shirt as her head spun. She didn’t know how to answer, what to say. 

 

“I’ve never had someone interested in me… like that.” She finally said, eyes falling to her worn flip flops. “Boys weren’t kind to me, they called me a rat because I was skinny and didn’t have any boobs and was grubby all the time. As I grew up it was just easier to accept that guys only wanted to sleep with me because I was there and easy, they didn’t care for me and I didn’t give a shit otherwise. It wasn’t good, I knew I was just letting them use me so I could forget for a half second that I was alone, working for below minimum wage, and going absolutely nowhere in life. I don’t really know how to… to show romantic affection or anything like that.” 

 

Ben snorted, raising an eyebrow. “Well I’m a twenty nine year old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend. I’d say we’re both pretty fucking clueless.” 

  
Rey’s eyes went wide at his confession, jaw hanging open as he chuckled, running a hand through his hair. He chewed on his lip, pulling over to the side of the road and putting the car in park so he could face her. 

 

“Look, tell me you don’t feel anything for me, and I’ll stop and we’ll never talk about this again. I’ll try to not be an asshole and be as civil as possible at work, and we can just go on doing whatever the hell we were doing before. But if you feel anything for me, whether you know how to say it or not, we can try and figure it out. We don’t have to put a name to it, or anything like that, but I don’t want to let this pass me by without even trying. I’m not a perfect guy and I have a shit ton of baggage, but I swear I’ll be the best man I can be for you and Mia, if you’ll let me.” He said, dark eyes hopeful and pleading. Rey inhaled slowly, feeling her chest expand with the breath, fear filling every cell in her body as she exhaled, giving Ben a single nod.

“Alright.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for seeing where things go! Yay for feelings! I hope y'all liked it and what I chose to do with Ben's backstory. Let me know what y'all think! see you next time!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourth birthdays are a very important occasion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 11! I probably wrote this chapter six times over, I was never really happy with what I had written, but I really do like how it turned out. The next few chapters are going to be total fluff fests, so you've been warned ;) Also, by request of reyloiscanon, I made a moodboard for the story. It's not super fancy and it's my first time making one and posting it on AO3 so if it's not working bear with me. If it does work and it's something you'd like to see more of, let me know! I enjoyed making one, and I like working with y'all to get you what you want!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/138726416@N04/38592818010/in/dateposted-public/)

**\-----------**

**December 9, 2013**

 

Rey was absolutely _done_ with being pregnant. Her ankles were swollen, she could hardly sleep because of her lumpy mattress, and for the past two weeks everything below her belly button just _ached_. She knew it could happen at any moment- she had been having steady contractions since the evening before- but as much as she was done with being pregnant, she was even more terrified for what came after. Still, despite her terror and the steadily increasing contractions, she still dragged her fat, pregnant ass into Unkar’s that day, determined to work as long as she physically could.

 

“Niima!” Unkar shouted from the other side of the garage. She sat behind the desk in the office, answering phone calls and balancing the checkbook (also ignoring how completely off it was, knowing it was Unkar’s doing), with one hand settled beneath her bump.

 

“Yeah?” She called back just as another contraction settled in, making her double over resting her head on the desk as she swiveled side to side in her chair.

 

“I need an oil change!” He shouted, and she huffed.

 

“Alright, I’ll be there in a second!” She replied, voice wavering as she spoke through the pain. God, she really should have been at the hospital, she was definitely in labor.

 

She sighed in relief when the contraction passed, hefting herself out of the chair with a grunt as she walked across the garage to where Unkar stood beside a car, a lecherous and slimy look on his face that made Rey’s skin crawl.

 

“Took you long enough.” He muttered as he stalked off, shoving her with his shoulder as he brushed past, too forceful to have been accidental. She merely rolled her eyes, popping the hood of the car and grabbing a bottle of oil as she set about changing it. As she bent over the hood, she felt a pop from between her legs, followed by a gush of fluid that soaked through her pants and hit the cement floor of the garage with a splash.

 

“Oh my God.” She whispered, frozen in place as she looked down at the mess she had made. The chill from the air quickly sunk into the wet fabric, making her shiver as another contraction hit. She groaned, this one infinitely worse than the previous ones. She squeezed her eyes shut, gritting her teeth and praying that it would go away so she could finish the oil change and clean up before anyone saw.

 

“What the hell are you doing over here, girl? I ain’t paying you to be lazy and piss all over my garage!” She barely registered Unkar’s voice shouting as she groaned again, biting down on her arm in a vain attempt to make the pain go away. Apparently, her lack of a response wasn’t good enough, and before the contraction subsided she was being shoved, falling to the ground as she shrieked in pain. She landed on her knees, taking the brunt of the fall with her hands.

 

“Answer me, girl!” Unkar yelled as she tried to catch her breath, looking up at him as she kept on her hands and knees, ready to tuck in on herself to protect her belly if he decided to kick her.

  
“My water broke, I didn’t mean to. I promise I was about to clean it up. I’ll clean it up now, then I’ll change the oil. It won’t take me longer than five minutes.” She said, quickly getting up once she deemed it safe. He huffed, spitting down at her feet.

 

“Clean your piss up and get the fuck out of my shop.” He said as Rey’s heart plummeted. “Come back when you aren’t going to be fuckin’ useless to me.”

 

He stalked away then, and Rey quickly went to get a mop, cleaning up from where her water had broken. She bit her lip as another contraction rolled through her, and tears streamed down her face as she tried to work through the pain, not wanting Unkar to see her stopped and come out again.

 

When she was finished it seemed like only minutes were passing between contractions, and she knew that she had to get to the hospital. It was a twenty minute drive to where it was the next town over, but it took her closer to forty with how much she had to pull over and breathe through a contraction. Her hair clung to her face as she practically dripped sweat, eyes burning with freely falling tears as she drove. She knew what she was doing was so unsafe, but she didn’t have other options, so she only prayed that she wouldn’t crash.

 

Finally, she pulled into the parking lot and staggered into the maternity ward, clutching her stomach as she walked up to the nurses desk. After that, there was a whirlwind of activity as she got admitted, barely registering as a nurse helped her out of her clothes and into a gown, sticking her arm with an IV and wrapping a fetal monitor around her stomach.

 

“Sweetheart, you should have been in here hours ago.” One of the nurses said softly after the doctor had checked her, declaring her to be nine centimeters dilated. Rey could only bite her lip, whimpering through the pain as she writhed on the bed. “Do I need to call someone for you? The dad? Your family?”  
  
Rey shook her head, clutching her stomach as if it were a lifeline. “No, it’s just me.” She said, voice small as she felt another contraction building.

  
The nurse sighed and ran her hand over Rey’s sweaty head, nodding with a sad look in her eyes. “Alright, darling. I’ll be here the whole time, so don’t you worry about a thing.”

 

True to her word, the nurse was there when it finally came the time for Rey to start pushing, holding one of her legs up and back as she bared down, shaking with exertion. It was a flurry of activity, nurses waiting with clamps and receiving blankets, all staring between her legs as she pushed. If she weren't in the worst pain of her entire life, she would have been embarrassed. She didn’t have the time for that though, instead all of her surroundings faded out to white noise until the sound of a piercing shriek filled the air and a writhing, wailing, red _thing_ was placed on her chest.

 

“It’s a girl!” The doctor announced, and with that Rey bursted into tears, slumping back down onto the bed, crying right alongside the baby as nurses swooped in to wipe her off.

 

“You did it, Rey.” The nurse that had stayed right by her side whispered into her ear, the older woman stroking her hair gently Rey blubbered, barely able to form a coherent thought. _She had done it._

 

After they had cleaned the baby off and swaddled her, Rey felt like she was able to breathe for the first time, cradling her child in her arms as the baby mouthed at her skin. She looked up helplessly at one of the nurses, her nurse having gone off to get something from the nursery.

 

“How do I feed her?” She asked, feeling silly at the question. Shouldn’t she just know? Have the motherly instinct that led her to exactly what she needed to do? The nurse chuckled, moving to her bedside to help unclasp her gown and guide the hungry baby to her breast, latching on easily. The sensation was weird- hell, her boobs being bigger than an A-cup was weird. The thought of her being a mother and using her boobs as something other than a barely-there nuisance was even weirder. Still, she allowed her eyes to close as the baby drank her fill, a rush of hormones flooding her tired and aching body.

 

“Have you named her yet?” Her nurse asked, setting down the things from the nursery as Rey cracked an eye open.

 

“No, not yet. I didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl, so I didn’t have anything for sure.” She said, looking down to the pink hat that the baby wore, covering the shock of dark hair that nearly everyone had commented on.

 

“Anything you like?” The nurse asked as the baby finished nursing, nearly weightless as Rey hefted her up on her shoulder to burp her like the nurse had instructed. Rey thought on the question long and hard. A name was important to her. She didn’t have a middle name, or even a last name. Hers was given by the state when she was found abandoned at a 7/11, grubby and stick thin. Hell, for all she knew, Rey could have been something she made up once the cops came. She was so little at the time, no one could have known for certain. So naming her child was important. It was something she had never had, and something she would fight to never be taken away from the little girl.

 

“Amelia.” She said, lowering the baby to rest in her lap, eyes hazy and unclear from being milk drunk, her pouty lips smacking as she fought her sleepiness. Rey felt herself tear up again, running her fingers over her pudgy cheek. “I think I’ll call her Mia.”

 

The nurse smiled, recording it on a piece of paper. “Mia sounds lovely, what about a middle name?”  
  
Rey chewed on her lip, glancing back down to the baby- Mia, she corrected- who had fallen asleep in the short time she had been looking away. Smiling down at her, she looked up to the nurse. “I was abandoned when I was very little, and was in the foster system for my whole life. I don’t really have a mother, or any family or friends that could have shown me my place in all of this.” She admitted, watching as the nurse’s face twisted in sympathy, setting the paper on the small table before crossing the room to sit in the chair beside Rey’s bed, taking her hand gently as the younger woman continued with tearfilled eyes. “I never had anyone to tell me what a period was or comfort me when kids were mean. B-but, you have been such a help to me today, holding my hand and coaching me through all of this, and that’s something I will never, ever forget or take for granted. So, I know this is crazy and I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable. Louise, may I name my daughter after you?”

 

As she finished, Louise’s eyes filled with tears, and she nodded, wrapping Rey in a tight hug. “I’d be honored, dear.”

 

Rey laughed, a tear rolling down her cheek as she pulled away to look down at Mia, still sleeping peacefully in her lap. She wasn’t sure how she had fallen so in love with someone so fast, but it had happened. She was scared, and so in over her head, but she knew she would do the best she could to give the little girl the life she deserved.

 

“Happy birthday, Amelia Lou.”

 

\------------------

 

Rey was woken up the morning of Mia’s fourth birthday from the feeling of something tugging at her blankets, and she smiled into the pillow, rolling over to the culprit. Mia had both hands fisted into the blankets, little face twisted in determination as she tried to heft herself up into bed. Rey glanced at her clock to check the time, 6:13 am, and chuckled as she reached over to pull the girl up into bed with her. She was quick to tuck her under the blankets, holding her tightly against her chest. Mia’s cold toes pressed against her thighs, but Rey didn’t mind as she reached to rub warmth into her little feet.

 

“Good morning, my sweet baby. Happy birthday.” She said softly, kissing the crown of Mia’s head gently as the little girl yawned, already dozing off. They had another forty five minutes until they really had to get up and get ready for the day, and Rey was more than willing to spend it cuddling with her child. The still, quiet moments were fleeting and got lost in the rush of daily life, so she treasured them whenever they came.

 

They laid like that until her alarm rang, wrapped warmly in a cocoon of blankets. It reminded Rey of when they lived in Jakku and they spent the winter months huddled together for warmth because Rey could hardly afford the heating bill. It was okay though, because between the two of them it was always warm enough.

 

Neither of them moved even after the alarm went off, but when she heard the front door open and soft footfalls coming towards her room, she cracked an eye open. Ben stood in the doorway, cheeks pink from the cold, a dopey smile on his face as he crossed the room to stand beside the bed.

 

“Get up, you lazy bums.” He chuckled, leaning over to kiss Rey’s forehead first, then the back of Mia’s head. The little girl stirred at the touch, nuzzling her face deeper into Rey’s chest, making the woman’s heart melt.

“We are up.” Rey said, running her fingers through Mia’s hair as she smiled up at Ben, knowing that wasn’t what he meant. “Maybe you should just join the cuddle puddle, and we won’t go to work today.”

 

Ben snorted, shaking his head as he set a knee down on the mattress, swinging his other leg over to hover above them. “If you don’t get up, I’m going to have to squish you both.”

 

Rey giggled, sticking her tongue out playfully at him as he smiled wickedly down at her. “Do your worst, Solo.”

  
With that, Ben shrugged and dropped down, trapping both girls under his body. With Mia between him and Rey he didn’t really put much pressure, only enough to mess with them. Rey giggled, sneaking the hand that was resting on Mia’s back up Ben’s chest to twist his nipple through his shirt, earning a yelp from the man as he rolled off of them, rubbing his chest gingerly.

 

“That hurt.” He complained, giving her a grumpy look as he reached over to try and retaliate. Rey squealed, batting his hand away.

 

In the three months they had been dating, she had never been happier. It had been awkward at the beginning- their first date was a disaster because neither of them really knew what they were doing- but once they settled into a rhythm all of the awkwardness faded away. She felt comfortable with him, and most of the time they just acted like idiots when they were with each other. She trusted Ben more than she had ever trusted anyone before, and though that scared her sometimes, it was also exciting.

 

At that point, Mia- who was _not_ a morning person- got fed up with their playfulness and the jostling that she was receiving as a result and poked her head up, a grumpy look on her face.

 

“Stop Mommy! Stop Ben!” She huffed, green eyes dark and brooding. Rey laughed then, sending Ben a playful look before turning back to Mia.

 

“Sorry baby.” She said, helping the little girl sit up and straddle her stomach. Mia yawned, bottom lip poked out in a pout as she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Why don’t you go use the potty and go pick out something to wear? Then we’ll go get a special birthday breakfast at the diner?”

 

At the mention of a special breakfast _and_ the opportunity to pick out her own clothes, Mia smiled, sour mood dissipating as she nodded enthusiastically and slid off the bed, running out of the room quickly. Rey watched her go, wondering where the time had gone. It felt like only minutes had passed since she saw her for the first time, and now she was four years old and independant as could be.

  
She didn’t have long to think about her baby growing up before an arm was being wound around her waist and she was being dragged over to Ben. He pulled her on top of him, resting his hands on her hips as she looked down at him. His dark hair was fanned out across her pillow, and the beginnings of a goatee was forming on his chin. She wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t bothered to shave that day or if he was growing it out intentionally, but either way she liked it.

 

“So, how does it feel being the mother of a four year old?” He asked, grinning up at her. She shrugged, resting her hands against his chest, drumming her fingers against his sternum.

 

“It’s weird. She’s growing up so fast, sometimes I wish she was a little baby again so I could cradle her and rock her like I used to.” She said wistfully. Ben chuckled, sitting up so that they were nose to nose.

 

“She’s still small, you can cradle her if you want. Even when she’s a teenager, she’ll still be your baby. Heaven knows my mother would still cradle me if she could.”

 

The mental image of big, imposing Ben being rocked in tiny Leia Organa’s arms sent Rey into a fit of laughter, and when she finally calmed herself down tears had run down her cheeks and her sides ached from laughing too hard.

 

Still giggling, she leaned forward to kiss him quickly before sliding off of his lap to get dressed for the day. While she got ready Ben made her bed, something she never did but he would do whenever he spent the night or came over in the mornings. She teased him about it, and he simply blamed Leia for drilling the importance of a made bed into his brain as a child.

 

“Will you make sure Mia’s got her shoes on the right feet? You know how she is about it.” Rey asked as she tugged on her leggings, bending down to dig through her hamper of laundry for her sweater and scarf. She heard Ben hum in affirmation, and felt the smack on her backside as he left. She couldn’t help but smile and roll her eyes -- in the time they had been dating, Ben made it a habit to touch her rear as much as possible, and she had basically been asking for it that time.

 

Breakfast was an affair, to put it simply, and by the time they dropped Mia off at daycare she was practically bouncing out of her skin from a pancake induced sugar rush. Rey felt bad for whatever poor staff member had to try and corral her when she was so hyped up, and she wished she could spend the whole day with her, sugar high or not. Really, there were much worse things than spending the day with her child, who she loved more than anything and a man she was very quickly falling for, and not even a little bit of sugar could spoil that.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's chapter 11! I hope you liked it, and the flashback, that was something I know I really enjoyed writing and there will be a few more scenes like that coming up, so get excited! Leave a comment if you liked it, I absolutely love hearing what you have to say! (Also, shout out to my friend who may or may not be reading this. You know who you are, you nerd.)


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is a stressful time, and Rey is just glad to spend it with her little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Just a little bit of Christmas fluff for ya! Hope you guys enjoy!

Rey was Stressed. 

 

Not stressed with a little ‘s’, but Stressed. Capital ‘S’, all consuming, distractingly, horribly, Stressed. 

  
All because of Christmas. 

 

It had never been a big affair for her -- growing up she never got more than a gift or two, if she got anything at all. Then for the two and a half years she lived on her own before having Mia, she didn’t even acknowledge the day. She wasn’t religious and didn’t have the money or desire to buy herself anything. When Mia was born she still hardly celebrated, buying a few small things for Mia to open before going in to the garage because she couldn’t afford to take the day off. 

 

For the first time in her entire life, she actually had something to celebrate. She had money to buy presents and decorations, friends to spend the day with, and a little family that was all her own. 

  
Still, old habits die hard. 

 

“I swear Ben, if you spent more than fifteen dollars on my present I’m going to wring your neck.” She muttered one evening several days before Christmas as she sat on the couch, carefully recording everything she had spent. The number made her a little bit nauseous, but she tried to ignore it, instead telling herself that it was okay. She was financially secure. She had saved money for this, she and Mia weren’t going to go without so they could have Christmas. 

 

Ben had been teasing her about her present for weeks leading up to the big day, and she was ready to strangle him for it. He knew how much it bothered her, and he did back off when she gave him a scathing look, but he still tried to push her as much as possible. He knew how to push her buttons, and that particular habit of his was one of the few things about him that truly annoyed her. Some stuff she was fine with, but there were some particularly sore spots that if he continued to press at even when she told him to knock it off time and time again, she would have to bring it up in a serious conversation.

 

“Fifteen dollars? I can’t even take you out for that little.” He snorted from his spot on the floor, up to his elbows in wrapping paper. She was hopeless when it came to wrapping presents, but Ben was excellent at it, therefore he was put in charge of wrapping everything. 

 

“I don’t like presents.” She said, sending him a warning look. “You know that.” 

 

Ben smirked, throwing a wad of tape at her. “It’s Christmas, Rey. You’re giving everyone gifts, and yet you won’t accept them back? That doesn’t make much sense, babe.” 

 

She huffed, knowing that he was right. Beyond the money issue, presents were the source of all her stress. For years she had received “gifts” from Unkar- a sandwich, a part for her car, the extra money she needed to pay a bill- only to later learn that it was used as collateral over her. After so many times of being entrapped by him, she learned that accepting a gift was something to be avoided. When she started refusing his hand-outs, he started forcing them on her, giving her no choice but to take whatever he was offering. He wanted to keep her trapped, no matter what.

  
Logically, she knew her friends weren’t going to do that to her, but some wounds were deeper than others and she knew that particular one would take longer to heal. 

 

“I’m working on it.” She grumbled after a moment, and she heard him chuckle and stand, moving to sit beside her on the couch. She glanced over at him just as he pulled her across his lap, holding her tightly in his arms. 

 

“I know you are.” He said, kissing the top of her head. “You don’t pay me back for dates now, that’s good progress. If it makes you feel better, I told my parents to not splurge on anything. They got a few things for Mia and something for you, nothing huge.” 

 

Rey smiled, leaning into his chest. It did make her feel better. She sighed contently, enjoying Ben’s warmth as she watched the lights twinkle on the little Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. It was the first one she had in a very long time, and she had enjoyed decorating it with Mia and Ben. Mia, naturally, liked to take the ornaments off and put them back on millions of times, but Rey could hardly find it in herself to make her stop. She was enjoying her first real Christmas season, and Rey wasn’t going to get in the way of that. 

 

As it turned out, the only day of the year that Mia Niima was a morning person was Christmas morning, which started bright and early. 

 

“Mommy! Ben! Santa knew where our new house was! He found us! Santa came! Mommy, Santa came!” the little girl shouted gleefully, bolting into her bedroom just before seven am, tugging on the blankets at the foot of the bed as Rey groaned, rolling over to bury her face into Ben’s back. 

 

“Mommy can we please open presents now? Please?” Mia continued, managing to get herself up onto the bed (Rey would later find her laundry scattered everywhere with the basket overturned and placed at the edge of the bed as a step stool). Rey huffed as Mia stood over them, no doubt crushing Ben’s kidneys as she dropped to her knees, pulling a grunt from the man.

 

“It’s still early, baby.” Rey mumbled, gently pulling her off of Ben and under the covers to rest between them. 

“What time is it?” Ben asked, barely lifting his head. His hair was an absolute mess around his face, but Rey reasoned that hers probably wasn’t much better as she glanced over her shoulder at the clock on her bedside table. 

 

“Six thirty.” 

 

“Go back to sleep, Mia.” Ben said, winding an arm around the squirming child to hold her close. 

 

“It’s Christmas!” Mia whined, voice muffled by Ben’s chest and he chuckled. 

 

“And it’ll still be Christmas in an hour, I promise.” He said, and somehow that was enough to placate Mia into dozing back off. Still, it only worked for so long and not thirty minutes later she was squirming again, asking if they could open presents. 

 

“We’re fighting a losing battle, babe.” Rey sighed, sitting up and stretching. Ben chuckled as Mia wiggled out of bed to sprint into the living room, and he rolled over to bury his face into her stomach. 

 

“Maybe I’ll just go back to sleep.” He teased, and she rolled her eyes, tugging on a lock of his hair. 

 

“No sir, if I’m getting up at an ungodly hour, so are you.” She said, shoving him away and getting out of bed. She sighed when she saw the mess of clothes and overturned hamper at the foot of her bed, but couldn’t find it in herself to be angry. If anything, she was proud of her daughter’s ingenuity. At that point Ben was out of bed too, tugging a shirt on and slipping his phone into the pocket of his sleep shorts as he wound an arm around her waist and led them to the living room. 

 

Mia was sitting on the floor in front of the tree, practically vibrating with excitement as she looked at the gifts, hands fidgeting in her lap as she barely contained herself. Rey laughed, reaching into Ben’s pocket to take his phone and snap a picture of her before sitting on the couch, tucking herself into Ben’s side as she pointed to the first gift Mia could open. 

 

After fifteen minutes of wrapping paper being thrown in every direction, Mia was done unwrapping everything and was squealing in delight at her new toys, already cradling her new baby doll, cooing at it sweetly. Rey smiled as she watched her, thankful that her version of pretend didn’t involve putting the baby in a carrier and setting it off to the side while she did something else- a practice that Rey unfortunately had to do for most of Mia’s infancy. 

 

“Ben, wasn’t there one more thing?” Rey asked after letting Mia play for a while, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she caught Mia’s attention. 

“Yeah, I think there might be…” He said with a smile, getting up to go to her bedroom. He stuck his head out a moment later, instructing Mia to close her eyes. The little girl did as she was asked, but Rey smiled and moved so she could put her hands over her eyes, knowing that she was peeking anyways. 

 

When Ben set the last present in front of Mia, Rey waited a moment for him to take out his phone and start recording before she finally moved her hands from Mia’s eyes. The present was something she had been begging for for months after using the same thing at daycare, and Rey decided that she should have her own. 

  
When Mia’s eyes fell on the bright pink tricycle, she absolutely  _ lost  _ it. The shriek that filled the small apartment was enough to make both adults jump slightly, and then laugh as she moved to sit on it, already pedaling across the living room. 

 

“Not inside, Monkey.” Rey laughed, following after her and plucking her off of the seat. Mia whined as Rey rested her on her hip, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

 

“Now, this present was from me and Ben, so what do you say?” She said with a smile, and the smile that Mia gave in return was absolutely blinding. 

  
“Thank you Mommy! Thank you Ben!” She exclaimed, hugging her mother tightly around the neck. Rey hummed happily, squeezing her daughter back before setting her down. The second her feet touched the floor she had taken off to throw herself into Ben, wrapping her arms around his legs as he smiled and ruffled her hair, a far cry from how he reacted to her hugs when they had first met. Back then, he looked as if her touch was actually hurting him, or like she was a bug or something else gross that had latched onto him. 

 

After she settled down, Mia went back to playing with her new dolls as Rey curled up on the couch and watched her, tugging a blanket over herself. It was still early, not even eight yet, and she was perfectly content with taking a nap. She cracked an eye open when she felt the couch shift underneath her, and she smiled up at Ben as he offered her a mug of coffee. She sat up slightly and took it, taking a sip as she leaned into him. They drank their coffee in silence, content with cuddling and watching Mia play as Christmas specials played on the TV. 

 

Rey hardly noticed it when Ben pressed a box into her hands, taking her empty mug from her and setting it aside. The box wasn’t too large, but it wasn’t small either, and and part of her was tempted to shake it, wondering what was inside. She had been dreading this moment for weeks, and part of her wanted to shove it back into his hands. She hated Unkar Plutt in that moment more than she usually did. Damn him for ruining her. Damn him and his manipulation, spoiling what was supposed to be a very good day, even when she hadn’t seen him in seven months. Damn him for the damage that went more than skin deep. 

 

“Ben…” She said with a sigh, glancing up at him. He shook his head, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

  
“Just open it, woman.” He chuckled, pinching her side gently as she rolled her eyes. She carefully tore the paper, revealing a plain white box. She glanced up at Ben again for a split second before looking back down to the box and gently opening it. 

 

Her breath caught as her eyes landed on the gift, and tears welled up in her eyes as she carefully took out the picture frame, holding it gingerly in her hands. 

 

“Ben,” She said again, this time completely breathless as she looked up to him in awe. “When did you do this?” 

 

The frame itself was simple, a simple dark wood that was only a inch of so wide, but the pictures held inside of it was what really mattered to Rey. There were three, and the middle one she recognized. It was one of all three of them: Rey, Mia, and Ben sitting on Han and Leia’s front porch on Thanksgiving - it was the only time she could think of that they were all dressed nice. They had taken the picture before Mia spilled cranberry sauce on her dress (a mistake on Rey’s part for dressing her notoriously messy child in a light color) and Ben had changed into a t-shirt, complaining about how the collar of his dress shirt made him feel claustrophobic. She hardly remembered the picture being taken from the whirlwind of the day, and as far as she knew Leia had taken it on her phone and she had never seen it again. 

 

The picture from Thanksgiving sat in the middle of the frame, sandwiched between two pictures that she had not seen. The top one was of Mia, in the same dress from Thanksgiving (sans stain, thankfully), but she was standing on the beach, face forever stuck in a laugh as the water rushed over her toes. It was a sweet picture, and Rey’s heart melted a little bit at it. It only melted more when she looked down to the bottom picture which had both Ben and Mia in it, seemingly taken on the same day as the top one. In the picture the sun was setting and Ben held Mia on his hip, smiling brightly into the camera as Mia kissed his cheek. It was the sweetest thing Rey had ever seen, and she didn’t realize that she was crying until she looked up and her vision was blurry. 

 

Ben smiled at her as he wiped away her tears with his thumb, cupping her cheek gently. She really had no words. The gift was so simple, and so beautiful at the same, and she knew just by looking at it that it didn’t cost a fortune either. 

 

“Do you like it?” He asked, voice soft. Rey laughed, nodding emphatically as she leaned in to kiss him, slow and sweet before pulling away, resting her forehead against his. 

 

“I love it, Ben.” She said.  _ I love you.  _ She wanted to add, but she held it back. It was too soon, she didn’t want to say it and potentially ruin the good thing they had going. She looked back down to the pictures, running her finger over the glass. “When did you do this?” 

 

Ben chuckled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Remember when Rose took you for a girls night a few weeks ago?” He asked, and she nodded. Rose had insisted that they needed a girls dinner, a chance to talk without children or men around. It had been a fun night, and Ben had taken Mia for the night, letting her play at his parent’s house while Rey went out. 

 

“Was Rose in on it?” She asked, and he smirked, nodding. 

 

“I needed to get Mia away from you for a bit, and Rose really did want to spend time with you. It worked perfectly. We got Mia’s clothes from the apartment because I had the key you made for me, my mother took the pictures, and we were changed and back to normal by the time you got back.” He explained, and Rey nearly started crying again. He had obviously put thought into the present, including many people in his scheme. Rey smiled, kissing him again quickly before glancing down to where Mia was playing. 

 

“And how did you get this one to stay quiet?” She asked, ruffling Mia’s hair playfully. The little girl hardly reacted, too consumed by her new toys to notice her mother’s teasing. 

 

“I may or may not have persuaded her into keeping the secret with cookies.” Ben said, sending Rey into a giggling fit. Of course he had bought her silence with sweets: her daughter had a massive- and insatiable- sweet tooth. 

 

The rest of the day was spent lazily, Rey and Ben made breakfast and they ate together watching Christmas specials in front of the TV before bundling up and going outside so Mia could ride her tricycle. She absolutely loved it and spent most of the afternoon riding it in circles around the parking lot, only going inside because staying out a minute more would make them late for Christmas dinner with Han and Leia. Ben had been right, Leia had only gotten her one thing: a beautiful succulent terrarium that would look beautiful in the living room. 

 

At the end of the day Rey laid in bed, completely exhausted. It had been a long day, but also one of the best she had had in a long time. Mia had fallen asleep with her new baby doll still in her hands, and Rey suspected it would be a while before she got her to let it go.     
  
“Do you like your presents?” Rey asked Ben, head resting against his chest. He chuckled, nodding as he ran his fingers through her hair slowly, the motion nearly putting her to sleep. 

 

“You know, if you wanted me to wear more color, you could have just said so.” He chuckled, and she smiled against his chest. He had mentioned needing a new sweater sometime before Christmas- his favorite one was falling apart- and Rey had gone out and bought another one as close to the original as she could. The only difference was that his old one had been black, and the new one she bought was a deep burgundy that complimented his skin tone nicely. The other gift had been a watch, his old one like the sweater, was falling apart. It was simple, with a brown leather strap and a cream face, it was refined and practical and something she knew he would like. 

 

“You wouldn’t have listened to me.” She teased, and he tugged on a strand of her hair in response. They settled into a comfortable silence, and Rey was nearly asleep when Ben cleared his throat. 

 

“Hey, sweetheart?” 

 

“Hey, babe.” 

 

He snorted, moving his hand from her hair to her chin, using his grip to tilt her head up to face him. In the low light she could just barely make out his features, the curve of his jaw, the hook of his nose, and she gently traced them with the tip of her finger. 

 

“I think I might love you.” He said, voice clear in the otherwise quiet room. The confession made Rey’s heart pound, and she locked eyes with him. Part of her knew it already, Ben was always better at showing what he felt rather than telling it, but still hearing the words was better than she could have imagined. Rey smiled, running her fingers through his dark hair as they settled into an embrace. 

 

“I think I might love you, too.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, leave a comment! I love hearing what y'all have to say!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben turns 30, and gets the best gift of all (and no, it's not a blowjob)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I really love this chapter, and I hope you guys like it too! I hope you've enjoyed the fluff, because soon things aren't going to be so perfect... But for now, more fluff!

Ben had never been a big birthday guy. Sure, it was the day he was born and that was worth mentioning, but he was never one to make a big deal out of it or go out of his way to celebrate. 

 

His thirtieth birthday was different though, because everything had changed. 

  
“Please wake me up like that every day for the rest of my life.” He groaned, one arm thrown over his face as his chest heaved after waking up to the best blowjob he had ever received. Rey laughed (something that had quickly become his favorite sound in the seven months they had been dating) and crawled up his body, settling herself on top of him. She kissed the underside of his jaw, moving his arm from his face as she moved to  hover over him, leaning down to kiss him quickly. 

 

“If I did that all the time, then it wouldn’t be special, would it?” She asked, an eyebrow quirked up in a way meant to tease him. Ben snorted, wrapping his arms around her and holding her against his chest. He snuck a hand under the shirt of his that she had stolen to sleep in, running his finger tips up and down her back. 

  
“Trust me, I don’t think getting head is ever going to lose its charm.” He said, and Rey snickered, pressing her lips against his chest, right over his heart. 

 

“What’s the plan for today, birthday boy?” She asked, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the feel of his warm skin seeping through the thin fabric of the shirt. 

 

“Well my first item on the agenda is to wait until I’m ready to go again and then keep you in bed as long as possible-” He started, and Rey pinched his side. 

 

“I’ve created a monster, all you think about is sex.” She snorted, and Ben laughed, nearly shaking Rey off of his chest from the laughter. 

 

“I never hear you complaining, sweetheart.” He said, punctuating his words with a swat on her bottom.    
  
“ _ Anyways _ -” Rey said pointedly, lifting her head to look him in the eyes. “As much as I would like to stay in bed with you all day, we have a four year old who needs to be entertained and taken care of, and she’s also very graciously being taken by your parents tonight, so your personal plans can wait until then.” 

 

As if on cue, the door handle to their room jiggled, followed by a loud knock when the culprit found it locked that was accompanied with, “Mommy! Ben! I’m awake!” 

 

Rey chuckled, pressing one last kiss to Ben’s chest as she rolled off of him and out of bed, padding over to the door and unlocking it. She gave one last look over her shoulder to make sure Ben was decent before opening it, revealing Mia on the other side. Her hair was tousled and tangled from sleep, but she still had a bright smile that melted Rey’s heart. 

 

“Good morning, Monkey.” She said with a laugh, scooping her up and resting her on her hip as she walked back over to the bed. She passed her off to Ben, who held his arms up to take her before holding her close to his chest, kissing the top of her head as he did so. Rey’s heart melted a little more at the sight, and she took a mental picture before stepping out to use the bathroom and brush her teeth.   
  
Ben cuddled Mia close as Rey left, a devilish smirk spreading across his face as he tickled her sides, sending her into a shrieking fit. He couldn’t help but laugh too, blowing a raspberry on her stomach. 

 

“Stop!” She giggled, throwing her elbows and knees every which was as he continued to tickle her. She only inherited a few things from Rey appearance wise, but she definitely got her mother’s scrappiness, that was for sure. Niima women didn’t know how to fight fair. 

 

“Settle down, Monkey Mia, you’re hurting me.” Ben chuckled, setting her on the middle of the bed after she elbowed him painfully in the side. She giggled, kicking him playfully in the hip just to push the envelope a little, but she gave him a sheepish smile when he sent her a warning look. He knew that he could never really stay angry with her, he had been hesitant at first when he had first met Rey, and then once they started dating her felt like he was walking on eggshells to try and do things the right way, but it didn’t take long before she had him wrapped around her little finger. 

 

Rey walked back in then, her hair pulled up in a messy bun, and looking stunningly beautiful for ten a.m. God, what had Ben done to deserve having a beautiful, energetic, all around amazing woman and her sweet daughter in his life? He was the luckiest man alive. 

 

“Mia, did you know that it’s a very special day?” Rey asked as she climbed back into bed, pulling him from his thoughts as she settled down on her side with Mia sandwiched between her and Ben. The little girl looked confused for a second, shaking her head as Rey continued. “It’s Ben’s birthday, and he’s an old man now.” 

 

“Excuse me,” Ben said in mock offense. “If I’m not mistaken, you turn twenty five in two months, so you’re not far behind me.” 

 

Rey laughed, leaning over to kiss him quickly as Mia squealed and pushed them apart. 

She was very much in her “cooties” stage and was incredibly dramatic whenever she saw the tiniest bit of affection coming from anybody. 

 

Eventually they got out of bed and ate breakfast before getting dressed to go to the beach. It was the end of April and while it had been warm enough to go out and play in the sand for about a month, the water was finally getting to a tolerable temperature. Rey still didn’t love the water, but after a particularly humiliating afternoon of swim lessons from Finn and Poe and Mia’s incident back in the fall, she was at least comfortable enough in it should an emergency happen. Mia had also gotten basic swim lessons the same day and had taken to it much better than her mother had, and Rey could only imagine what summer would be like with her begging to swim at any opportunity. 

 

Thankfully, Mia was content with playing in the sand for a while once they got to the beach, leaving Ben and Rey to set up their beach chairs beside her. 

 

“What time are we meeting your parents tonight?” Rey asked once they got settled, reaching between their chairs to lightly hold his fingers. 

 

“Seven, at the restaurant.” He said, gently playing with her fingers. “Then they’ll take Mia, and we’ll meet with others at the bar.” 

 

Rey nodded as he confirmed the plan. As her relationship with Ben had grown, so had his friendship with her other friends. Now they were all one group, and the others had insisted that they needed to go out for Ben’s birthday. Thirty was apparently a very big deal. 

“We have all day then.” Rey said after a bit, and Ben nodded. 

  
“More or less… I actually wanted to go show you something after we leave here.” He said, and Rey raised an eyebrow at him, her interest piqued. 

 

“Oh?” She said, and he smirked, nodding. 

 

“I’m not telling you anything yet, so don’t even think about asking.” He said, and she rolled her eyes. 

 

“It’s your birthday, I should be the one surprising you.” She huffed, and he laughed, giving her hand a squeeze. 

 

“It’s not a gift or anything for you, it’s more of something I want you to think about.” He said, and though it was probably supposed to make her feel better, it only served to make her more curious. 

  
Still, she let it go as the sun grew hotter and they all went to the water, this time with Mia in floaties as a precaution. Rey sat on the ocean floor, the water brushing against her shoulders as she watched Ben and Mia a few feet away, smiling as Ben threw Mia up into the air and caught her just as she touched the water. The little girl absolutely loved it, squealing with delight every time she left his hands. Rey could tell when his arms were getting tired and stood up to wade over to where they were, taking Mia from him as he smiled at her in thanks. Ben sunk down under the water until it brushed her shoulders before winding an arm around Rey’s waist and dragging her to him. She laughed, holding Mia as he guided her legs around his torso, keeping all of them afloat as he held onto Rey. 

 

They stayed in the ocean for a while, enjoying the cool water against the hot afternoon, and truthfully Rey really didn’t want to leave Ben’s arms. He kept a grip on her even as she played with Mia, holding onto the little girl’s ankles as she floated on top of the water, using her grip to push her away and pull her back over and over again. 

  
When the sun was high in the sky it became obvious that Mia was fading fast, and they barely had time to pack up their things before she was asleep on her mother’s shoulder, one thumb in her mouth as the other held onto the strap of Rey’s swimsuit. Ben just smiled and finished cleaning up, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as they went to the car. 

  
“Do you still want to show me the thing?” Rey asked once they were back in the car, Mia dozing in the backseat. Ben nodded, one hand on the wheel and the other grasping her knee gently.    
  
“It won’t take long, and if you don’t want to leave her in the car I’ll carry her.” He said, and Rey nodded, wondering what plans he had up his sleeve. 

 

It didn’t take long before he was pulling into his parent’s neighborhood, passing their house and stopping further down the street in front of a house, and Rey looked over at him.    
  
“What is this?” She asked, and Ben chuckled. 

  
“A house.” 

 

Rey rolled her eyes, slapping him on the chest. “Don’t be a smart ass.” 

 

“Fine,” Ben laughed, taking her hand and squeezing it. “It’s a house that’s up for rent. Your apartment was perfect for the two of you, but since I moved in it just doesn’t fit all three of us. I know renting is a little less commitment than buying, but I want this with you. I want something that’s ours. What do you think?”    
  


Rey was stunned, jaw dropping as she looked between Ben and the house. It was cute, one story with a nice front porch and a good sized yard. She knew Mia would like having the room to play and ride her tricycle, and it would be nice being closer to Ben’s parents… 

“Can I look inside?” She asked, looking back to Ben, and he nodded, unbuckling his seat belt.    
  
The landlord was already inside- Ben had apparently already arranged the whole thing- and Rey walked in first as Ben followed with a sleeping Mia in his arms. 

 

The house wasn’t big by any means, but it had been renovated recently and would be perfect for just the three of them. The master bedroom was spacious and had its own bathroom (Rey liked that, sharing a bathroom with a four year old did have its disadvantages) and there were two other bedrooms on the other side of the house. 

 

“Can we afford it?” She asked after walking through it, and Ben rolled his eyes. 

  
“Do you think I would even mention it if we couldn’t?” He asked, and Rey smiled, shaking her head. Despite all of his teasing, he was serious when it really mattered. With a big smile, she nodded, giving Ben her answer without having to say a word. 

 

They left a few minutes later with a lease agreement and a promise to be in contact with the landlord soon. Rey could hardly contain herself as they got back into the car. The old her would have vehemently disagreed with the whole ordeal. She would have hated him not telling her about it sooner or for assuming that they would pay for it together. But again, that was the old her. The new her was ecstatic at the idea of having a place of their own, one with both of their names on the lease. It was sickeningly domestic, but Rey absolutely loved it. 

 

\---------------------

 

That night after dinner with his parents and drinks with their friends, Ben was more than happy to be home and curled up in bed with Rey. He had made good on his promise from that morning, he had no intention of letting her out of bed until they had to pick Mia up the next morning. 

 

“I love you.” He whispered into her bare shoulder, pulling her close as she smiled lazily. She hummed, tracing nonsensical patterns into his chest, her face flushed from their activities. 

 

“I love you, too.” She said, letting her eyes slip shut. He knew that she would probably fall asleep soon, she was tipsy and spent, and he was fine with that. He yawned himself, scratching her back gently.    
  
“Ben?” She asked, voice soft. He hummed, not bothering to lift his head up from where it was resting against his pillow. “You’re in this for the long run, right?” 

 

“If by ‘this’ you mean our relationship, then yes. I thought it was obvious, you’re it for me, sweetheart. ” He answered after a moment. “Where’s this coming from?” 

 

“I just wanted to be sure.”    
  
“You’re not telling me everything.” He chuckled, knowing her well enough to know when she was holding something back. She sighed and stilled her hand over his chest, right over his heart. It beat steadily under her touch, right in her palm where it belonged. 

 

“I was thinking…”    
  
“That’s dangerous.” He interrupted, wincing slightly when she pinched his chest. He opened his eyes to see her glaring up at him and he kissed it away before letting her continue. 

 

“I was thinking, that maybe because we’re getting a house and everything… and if this is a long term thing… that if you wanted, Mia could call you dad. She’s asked about it a couple of times, and I’ve always felt like it was too early or not the right time. But now I’m sure, that if you’re willing to make the commitment to what it would mean, that you deserve the title.” 

 

A lump formed in his throat at her words, and he sat up, folding his hands in front of his mouth as his head spun. He loved Mia more than anything, and he had made the vow to himself a long time ago that he would protect her against anything. It was a big deal for Rey to make the offer, that Mia would actually be his in all but blood. The more he thought about it thought, the more it made his chest feel warm.  This was a big step for them, probably the biggest one they would ever take, and the prospect scared him a little bit. He knew what Rey was offering, that if he took it that he was in it for life, she wouldn’t have said it if she thought he wasn’t going to stick around. Mia was the most important thing in her life, and he knew she would never do anything without her best interest in mind. 

 

He bit his lip and turned to Rey, who had sat up and was watching him with anxious eyes. 

 

“I want her to be mine.” He said, voice tight as he reached up to cup her face in his hand, cradling her gently. “Please, let her be mine. I promise I’ll spend every day of my life trying to be worthy of it, I swear.” 

  
Rey sniffled out a laugh then, her own tears falling down her cheeks as she nodded. “I couldn’t think of a better man for the job.” 

 

\-------------

The morning after Ben’s eighteenth birthday was one of the worst days of his life. He woke up hungry and more afraid than he would ever admit, huddled in the back seat of his car. He was out of gas and he didn’t dare use his credit card for fear of his mother being able to track him. That afternoon he was found in an alley, bloodied and bruised after being mugged over his wallet and a chicken sandwich. That was where Snoke had found him, face gaunt and twisted into a sick grin, mind already swimming with plans for the lonely and afraid boy. 

 

The day after his thirtieth birthday turned out to be the greatest day of his life. 

 

He and Rey had woken up late, had lazy sex and breakfast in bed, and while that was nice it didn’t compare to what happened later as he squatted down in his parent’s living room, a smile so wide that it almost hurt on his face as he watched Rey whisper quietly to Mia from where she sat coloring on the floor. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he watched the little girl’s eyes go wide with excitement at her mother’s words before she stood up and sprinted across the room into his arms, screaming with excitement as he lifted her up and spun her around. 

 

He held her tight as tears sprung in his eyes, never wanting to forget the moment that he was called “daddy” for the very first time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you guys totally called it that Mia would be calling Ben dad soon, and so here it is! I cried a little bit writing it, not going to lie. Thanks for reading! Comment if you liked it, I love hearing from y'all!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey never thought she would be happy, and she's glad she was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I posted a chapter 14 earlier today (if you didn't get to it, don't worry) but after a lot of thought I decided that I couldn't go on with what I had planned. I wasn't in love with it, and I know I wouldn't have had fun writing it, so I thought it would be best to just delete the original chapter 14 and wrap the story up. I hope you guys understand. 
> 
> I'm thinking about doing a little bitty chapter to maybe throw on the end, give a "where are they now?" to what I think happens after then end of POL, let me know if that is something you would be interested in! 
> 
> Another thing that I could do if anyone is interested, is post the original draft of what POL could have been. I had the whole fic written out and around chapter five, I decided to take it in a completely different direction (they're hardly the same fic, and I really love both) but if that's something you have interest in seeing, again, let me know :) 
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read this. Your support means so much to me, and reading your comments never failed to bring a smile to my face. Thank you for going on this adventure with me and these characters, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

**June 2020**

 

Growing up, Rey never thought she would ever be happy. 

  
She wasn’t being cynical or self-deprecating in the thought, she was just being realistic. For so long, her life was only about survival. Get to the dinner table before the other foster kids ate everything, wrap your toes in tape so the too-small hand-me-down tennis shoes didn’t give you blisters, stuff your purse with as much gas station food you can fit but buy a tube of chapstick so you don’t look suspicious, watch your back as your bent over the hood of a car being extra careful so no one slaps your ass while you’re distracted. She had made herself callous and hard from the unforgiving world she had grown up in, and she thought that it was all she was ever going to get. Other people got to be happy, but she was lucky to just get by. 

 

Looking into the eyes a beautiful daughter who had a smile that shone brighter than the stars was something she thought she would never get. 

 

Having friends that brought her donuts on bad days and random texts of inside jokes she thought would be stupid to hope for. 

 

Going to work for a man that was kind and fair, who would correct her with sarcastic but well intentioned jokes rather than harsh slaps and degrading names was an idea so impossible she laughed at it. 

 

Waking up wrapped in the arms of a man who loved her for all of her flaws and sharp edges, and allowed her to love him despite his, was never even in her realm of possibility.

 

She never thought she would do anything more than just survive. Living was not an option for her. 

 

And yet, the world had ways of surprising her. 

  
So she stood barefoot on the beach where it all started, sand warm between her toes as her white dress fluttered around her legs from the breeze. The man she loved was in front of her looking at her as if the whole universe was in her eyes, and her friends and family stood a few feet away, tears brimming in their eyes as the two pledged their lives to each other. Their daughter stood just a few feet away, not quite understanding the full significance of the day, but happy nonetheless. That was okay though, because one day she would be grown and understand. 

 

She would know that there was more to life than just getting by, and she would truly know the feeling of glorious, full, reckless living. 

 

That was all Rey ever wanted, and now, it was hers for the taking. 


End file.
